Countoff Day 6 & 5 – Screaming Days

Day 6 anecdote:  Officially, day 6 started with my nurse giving me IV antibiotics at around 1:00 am.  She was a really nice lady and we chatted for a while until it was time for the medicine and bags to be removed.  It took me another hour or so to finally drift off to sleep, around 2:00 am.  I awoke suddenly out of a deep sleep by the sound of a woman yelling the most horrible gut wrenching scream I have ever heard in my entire life.  No kidding.  NO.  I mean really.  The stuff in the best horror movie was a mere squeak compared to this sound.  It lasted for about 30 very long seconds.  Since I had been awaken from a deep REM sleep, I was immediately disoriented and confused.  I didn’t realize where I was (Oh yeah, I’m still in the hospital), what was going on, why was a woman screaming and then I remembered that I AM in the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital.  The grrl monsters were also woken by the scream and started squirming around, kinda like “Holy shit Mom, what was THAT?!?” About 5 minutes after I heard the scream, I heard the sound of a cheap $5 china town gong.  I lay there in the dark hospital room and was genuinely happy for her.  It took another hour or so to get back to sleep.  My nerves were a bit frazzled, the babies took a while to settle down and honestly it is hard to ignore the impulse to go to the aid of someone who just yelled like that.  The idea of a c-section suddenly didn’t seem so bad after all.  I mean I know that they hurt for a longer amount of time, but I doubt I’d be making any scream like THAT.

Day 5 was mostly a day to catch up on sleep, snuggle up with MrBeep and take it easy at home.  We did spend many great hours watching the 2010 Olympics Canada vs. USA hockey gold medal finals game.  MrBeep was a hockey player in college and post-grad (go mighty beavers).  We enjoy watching games.  We invited his Dad to come over and we all had a blast.  When the US finally made their first goal we all screamed “YEAH!” and twin B "aka “Pip” started to squirm along.  When the second goal with 24 seconds left in the game happened, there were more screams of excitement.  The Canadian team did a fabulous job and honestly played a superior game, well deserving of a gold medal.  It’s cool that they also did it at their home country Olympic games.  Congrats to all my Canadian buddies!  Oh and remember my Photo challenge pic?

As a tribute to the truly awesome 2010 Olympics held in one of my favorite cities, Vancouver BC Canada.  It is actually a macro lens photo of my night light, a gorgeous bronzed maple leaf.

A last big scream for day 5 gone and for my bloggidy pals from up north.  WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  CANADA ROCKS!

Countoff Day 9 –Dr Appts & Photo Challenge

Good news!  I went to both DrGav and my ObDoc today.  First the Peri/MFM appointment:  The cervix check shows all is looking great, staying a steady 3.5 cm and the cerclage is still looking good.  Both grrl monsters had good heart rates and bloodflow.  I have been taken off my medication and don’t need to come back for 2 weeks (where I will get my 24 week growth ultrasound).  His take on my Friday achiness and spotting is that it is nothing to be worried about.  Then I went to my ObDoc  for a routine check.  Blood pressure, pee in a cup, weight check , and doppler.  Wiggles kicked the doppler when the nurse was trying to get a reading.  We both laughed.  My awesome ObDoc arrived all smiles. I got an internal pelvic exam **YOWCH!** where she proclaimed things seemed long and were holding well.  When I told her about my Friday scare she was a little more concerned.  She told me if I begin to feel uncomfortable to lay down on my left side, drink some water and take things easy.  If things don’t seem to get better after an hour to call them.  She said that the next 7 weeks were really critical and she’d rather know that I am resting easily at home with some liberties rather than being a “long term guest” at the hospital.  I completely agree.  All in all very good results, maybe I spooked myself a bit, but I’d rather be cautious than sorry.  It is just another thing that will really help me make it through the rest of my countdown.

And now for something completely different…I had an idea for this week’s Photo Challenge, so I pulled out my fab macro lens. 

Photo Challenge this week's theme: WHAT IS IT?

Take a guess about what this photograph is.  To see a larger version, click on the pic.  My only hint is that it is more than what you think at first glance. I'll post the answer Friday with the other folks who took the challenge. I’m horrible at guessing but found it a fun little inspiration for photography.  Rotten – why aren’t you getting into the challenge!  C’mon!

(The Photo Challenge aims to allow creative ways to explore a weekly theme through photography).  The Weekly Photo Challenge is brought to you by The Steadfast Warrior (aka Lindsay) who also gave me this advice for dealing with my fears:

The reality is, you've got a lot going on and it's okay to be scared, hell if you weren't terrified a little, I'd think you were in denial. The only advice I have is to take solace in the movements and the special moments that come up.

She also said a little extra to warm my heart and offered a present to dry my eyes:

You are a lovely and strong woman. You and the Monsters WILL be okay. I can keep repeating it if you like? ;) (HUGS) to you, since sometimes that is what we need the most. I've left a little present for you at my blog…

Her gift was an absolutely stunning photograph taken from her balcony in beautiful Vancouver, BC.  You have to go over and see it.  I saved it as my desktop wallpaper for this 10 day countdown.  Every time my computer boots up I see it and smile.  Lindsay has a little girl, born just a little while ago, she is taking things one day at a time and writes with such honesty that I feel truly privileged to read and support her.  Thanks so much Lindsay.

I ended my Day 9 with “Weekly Series Night” – a special evening MrBeep and I spend with friends watching though a TV series together.  We finished watching The Venture Brothers – Season 3.  It was also really fun to have some company, laugh and joke around.  I love counting off a great day.

2 Monster Scoops – The Big Reveal

It has taken sooooooooo long to get all of the results from amnio, but I’ll explain about that later.  The most important thing is that they are both healthy with no known issues.  I can’t express how relieved I am, how much of a heavy weight has held my heart down.  Now my heart is light and full of joy.

So now the Big Reveal…I posted a poll to see if you could guess the gender of the monsters. 

The poll question was: 
What flavor are the monsters?

A:   Strawberry (2 girls)
B:   Boysenberry (2 boys)
C:   A scoop of each (1 boy, 1 girl)

Did you guess correctly?
Can you tell from the photo?
Give up yet?

Yes, that my friends is two scoops of STRAWBERRY ice cream.  We are pregnant with two little girls, or as I call them “Grrrl Monsters”.

We had a great appointment at the MFM for my 20 week ultrasound.  They are measuring in the 70th percentile, way up from a month ago’s 40th percentile.  Their weight is estimated at 14 ounces. Here are the latest ultrasound pics

For more good news, I have been taken off of bed rest!  The cervix is looking good and closed at about 3.1 cm. The previa continues to migrate away from the cervix but we aren’t done yet. I’ve had no cramping or bleeding or complications.  I am still advised to take it easy, but at least I can sit up, use a chair, cook dinner, run a couple of errands if I need to.  DrGav told me to use good judgment and try to stay off my feet as much as possible.  I go back again for another quick check in a week and then I may get to every other week afterwards. 

mekate asked if there were going to be any belly shots.  I have decided to post, but I have to say that I am normally apple shaped and big breasted too.  As an added bonus these two have surely blossomed that into a OMG I’M HUGE! situation. 

Twin B “Pip” is currently laying sideways across the top and is and making the belly extra huge.  I am happy about this, but was a little shocked when I saw the photo myself. :-)

I’m just so happy right now because there is really a lot of great news this week with many of my bloggidy friends. 

Oh, and the strawberry ice cream?

The best I have ever ate.

OXXO to you all – Traci aka “IF Optimist”.

Photo Challenge #2: Variety

He he.  Was able to sneak downstairs for about 10 minutes to grab a photo from the big computer for this week’s challenge.  This is my favorite fish store at Pike Place Market in Seattle, Pure Food Fish Market.  The seafood is all so fresh, it smells like the briny sea and all eyes that watch you are bright and clear.  When I want the best in variety and quality to make Ciopinno, I head here.  If you are ever visiting in Seattle, they can prep some fish covered in ice in a leak-proof cooler to take home on the plane.  Oh, I can’t wait until Sockeye Salmon is back fresh in season.  Mmmmmmmmmmm.

 The Pure Food Fish Market in Seattle, WA, USA

To see the picture in greater detail, just click on the photo.  I love that our pal Lindsay, the Steadfast Warrior set up the weekly photo challenge.  Being stuck on the couch for now, it will be tough to get new shots (depending on the theme), but I can go and dig through my archives and this makes me very happy indeed.  Now head on over and check out the other fab photos that are being shared.

Guess who’s coming for dinner?

 

That’s right.  Ginger ale and saltines.  I was out shopping for stuff to make spaghetti dinner yesterday.  I walked to the back of the store near the butcher counter, they were cooking something that smelled so strong and vile it make me super ill.  It was extra super fab to enjoy that smell combined with the perfume of raw meat. Not necessary run-for-the-hills grab-a-paper-bag queasy but “seasick with a touch of too many jalapeños” kind of queasy.  Luckily I was able to high tail it to the front of the supermarket, where I was able to purchase some ginger ale (Vernor’s is the best!) and some plain crackers.  I may keep a ziplock of crackers in my purse for such emergencies.  Gah.

Two days earlier I was in a different supermarket and they had a huge display of apples for sale.  All different types.  Galas, fujis, honeycrisp, cameo, macintosh, tart green apples, etc.  They were gorgeous and looked like the best of fall, but my nose?  I could swear I smelled some of the bad apples in the crop.  Totally bizarre.  Most of my morning sickness reaction is just a fairly constant upset tummy, heartburn and hiccups from time to time.  If I eat little meals, or drink milk I am usually OK but even now it feels like I need an alka seltzer.

I told MrBeep about my queasefest and he was very sad and worried.  I laughed and tried to tell him that it’s a really good thing.  Bring it on!  But he just looked at me with those big blue eyes and crumpled up his mouth in sad concern.  Husbands are wacky sometimes, but we sure love ‘em.

What the ultrasound saw…

I won’t tease you, I haven’t really been holding out.  My ultrasound appointment was on Sunday at 3:00 p.m. pacific time. 

After we went to the RE for the ultrasound, we went for a little grocery shopping and then out to dinner.  I had delicious salmon with spicy zesty soba noodles.  When we came home, we watched a terrific movie and I went to sleep early because, whew, I am sure tired lately.

I fall asleep sitting in a chair like an 80 year old man.

Can’t imagine why.

And my b00bs are really weighty and sore.

Ain’t that unusual?

Oh and I get a little queasy from time to time.

Guess I need some pepto.

Or…

Maybe….

It’s because of what the ultrasound saw.

 

That’s right.  I’ve got two monsters in here (I photoshopped a little animated GIF to better illustrate what the ultrasound really saw).  “A” (who looks like a duck, am I right?) measured fine and had a heartbeat of 150.  “B” (totally a little frog) also measured fine (estimated a few days older) and had a heartbeat of 144.  DrKAwesome was my RE on Sunday and she also checked out my ovaries and said they were the right size and doing a great job making progesterone. 

So wow.  Two.  We checked them out on 7w2d and are due back for our next ultrasound two weeks from now (Golly, another two week wait?  Who woulda thunk it possible?) that will put us at 9w2d and if all is well I will “graduate” to a real OB/GYN.  MrBeep has been patting my tummy and grinning at me.  I had a perma-grin on Sunday and kept getting all teary-eyed.  We keep saying “so far so good”. 

Lots of love and good wishes and prayers from people near and far have brought me a long way and have been a comfort to me in difficult and nervous times.  It still seems a little unreal, but today I am bursting, full of hope and promises and wishes that may finally come true. 

Many improvements

My brother is getting much better.  He is young and strong and recovering quickly.  He has been able in the last few days to get up and walk around the pulmonary ward.  We are waiting for his blood work to come up to the levels that the doctors would prefer before being released, so he is still in the hospital.  He was able to shower and shave today and was taken off of supplementary oxygen all day long.  We hope he will be released on Tuesday and we will try to fly back some time on Friday, taking things in short 2-3 hour trips with a 2 hour layover in between.

I’m glad to be here supporting my brother, but I would really love to be home, where it is fall and the leaves are orange and red and yellow.   I asked my brother today, “Why couldn’t you get sick in late November or February when I am fed up with all of the rain and the short days?  Why did you have to do it during my favorite part of fall?  I insist that you don’t do this again.”  He agreed.  We’ve been having fun playing cards and watching TV and movies.

I got the seasonal flu vaccine on Sunday and have arranged to get the H1N1 some time on Tuesday.  The local health department was very understanding of my situation.

I miss MrBeep very much.  He checks on me and the monsters, he sends me texts and emails and photos.  Today I got this one with the message “lovely clouds for a lovely girl”. 

 

The water is Puget Sound.  How I miss the smell of wet mossy earth, I miss my MrBeep. 

Anniversary and updates

Yesterday was MrBeep’s and my anniversary.  We’ve been married for two years, but we have been together for over fourteen.  We decided to have the ceremony and “make it official” because we were seriously going for help in making our family.  We had our ceremony in the local state park in a grove covered with trees and surrounded by ferns.  Here is a picture of us after the ceremony, walking from the fern grove to the reception building.  My dress was green and the top had gold and copper embroidery.  It was hand made by a local shop in Bellevue, WA.  We are both so glad we got hitched because we have an official day where we enjoyed a big party with a small group of our favorite friends and family.  We both decided amid the planning that we didn’t want a wedding cake because most wedding cake isn’t very good…and really…when it comes right down to it.  Wouldn’t you rather have pie?  We love pie.  We had a wedding pie. 

A pear and almond tart, it was fun and yummy and topped with Penguins in Love

Last year, I came up with a system for our anniversary.  We both decided was a fun idea.

MrBeep is in charge of odd year anniversary celebrations (1, 3, 5, 7, 9…)
I am in charge of even year anniversary celebrations (2, 4, 6, 8, 10…)

If the anniversary date falls on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday we make a mini-vacation out of it.  If the date falls on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday then we have a little evening of dinner or a movie. Last year MrBeep selected a weekend in Portland, OR. This year I chose to go out to a restaurant in Seattle called Bizzarro.  We shared the best risotto I have ever enjoyed.  It was served with a seared duck breast.  We also had some hand-made pasta with Bolognese.  Dessert was strawberry and balsamic vinegar ice-cream.  Mmmmmmmmm.  We both had a really fun time and we love new eating adventures. I’m very lucky to have such a great best friend and love in MrBeep.  I am a better person for meeting and knowing him he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

Cycle status update:  Sorry for the delay in reporting what is going on with me and eggs and the cycle.  I have been swamped with a new cool film project. I promise to write about that another time.  Tuesday we hadn’t quite made it so we waited another day.  Today I went in to see DocO for an ultrasound and blood work.  Ultrasound finally revealed enough follicles over 19mm to go for trigger.  I have 16 follicles measuring above 10mm on with a half dozen smaller ones around for good measure.  DocO thinks we may get 10 or 11 good sized ones out of the bunch given their current size.  My E2 level was 2585 so we have some going on for sure.  MrBeep mixed my trigger shot while I watched and we took it at 9:30 pm.  We are scheduled for egg retrieval on Friday morning.  WOWZER! 

Fabulous Fotography Friday

Status Me:  2 more pills to go.  Getting some mild pangs in righty. 

I’ve been having fun with photography and you get your choice, depending on your mood.  These are formatted for a high-def screen (1920x1080).  Have fun.

Would you like your beauty in technicolor? 

Would you prefer moody and grainy?

About Fabulous Fotography Friday:
As I mentioned in my prior post “Guess my number, win a prize” I was going to grab the ole Nikon and spend some of my 2 week waits taking and editing pictures. To save any of these photos for your very own, just click on the picture. A new window will open and show you the larger (higher-resolution) version, then right-click on the big image and choose “Save Picture As…” in Internet Explorer (“Save Image As…” in Firefox). They make awesome desktop images.

Fabulous Fotography Friday: Portland Adventure

I had a great time on Monday because I got to take the train from Seattle to Portland. I hopped on the 7:40 am Amtrak train near the Seatac airport (free parking dude!) and rode my way for a visit to fabulous Portland. I was heading down to meet up with my bloggidy twin Liv and her husband "Marvy” from The Life of Liv. She was visiting the Pacific Northwest and offered to drive a couple of hours to meet me in the middle of Washington for a lunch. I suggested instead that we meet in Portland and it worked out really great because I got to take the train and they only had to go 20 minutes from their hotel.  I love it when things work out like that!

Taking the train is really fun and costs RT about the same as a tank of gas ($56). I sat in the dining car, drank coffee and looked out the window at the gorgeous scenery. Here are a few shots out of the train window. Some are dark and have dirt because of the window. To see any picture in a larger view, click the image.

The view was absolutely marvelous, the trees are very lush and green. We rode over rivers and bridges. I arrived in Portland and it was already getting very hot at almost 90°F (30°C). The Portland Union Station was very pretty and I had to snap a few photos.

After donning my sun hat and walking through the lovely old station, I found a bicycle taxi and told the gentleman driver, “I have an hour to kill my good man, how about a jaunt to Powell’s?”

He and I chatted about the bike and the weather. After about 6 or 7 minutes of biking we arrived at Powell’s Books which is a truly remarkable place and everyone should go there. I lust Powell’s. It makes me miss all of my old super awesome bookshop haunts from when I lived in San Francisco. Powell’s in Portland is so awesomepants I am jealous baby, wah!

I perused a few of the sections at Powell’s and then realized I needed to hit Whole Foods where I picked up a couple of bars of Theo Chocolate’s 3400 Phinney bars - my favorites are “Bread and Chocolate” and “Nib Brittle.” My friend Andy is the Chief Operating Officer at Theo. The chocolate is fair trade, organic and out of this freaking world. If you ever come to Seattle, I highly recommend their factory tour.  For $5 you get the tour plus chocolate nibbles and samples (unfortunately there are no Oompa Loompas).

So with chocolate bars and book gifts in hand, I walked several more blocks and met Liv and Marvy for a fabulous lunch at Jake’s Famous Crawfish. I had a wonderful lunch. Liv and Marvy are as terrific as you imagined. Both are funny and vivacious and clever and warm. Marvy had clam chowder, then hazelnut crusted wild salmon. Liv had crab bisque, then a blackened salmon salad. I had crab bisque and a Dungeness Crab and Fresh Oregon Bay Shrimp Louis salad. YUM!  We talked about infertility and how hard it was to get through it.  We talked about her pregnancy and how they let a few more family members know about the little frijole. We talked about how we met our significant others, our work, our vacations, blogging. We talked a lot about photography and travel. I took out The Nikon for Liv to check it out. The time just flew out the window. We ended our meal with dessert. Marvy and I shared a hard-shell chocolate bag filled with white chocolate mousse, fresh wild berries and berry coulis. Liv had a banana cream pie. It was decadent and rich and I was stuffed full for the rest of the day, but it was worth it.

After our lunch, we walked over to Powell’s (they had never heard of it) and perused a few sections together. We wandered to the travel section and Liv pulled out a travel book on Guatemala and showed me photos inside. She told me how wonderful a place it is, how amazing the people and history and architecture are. We talked about the ruins and the hieroglyphics. I told her about this awesome documentary I recently watched on PBS called “Cracking the Maya Code.” It was truly fascinating. I would love to visit Guatemala some day. You could tell how much she loved it and how proud she was of her wonderful heritage. We said our goodbyes, Liv let me pat her belly and wish the frijole well. Marvy took a special photo of us that I converted into a short movie.

Thanks again Liv and Marvy for lunch and the great conversation.

I was also in Portland to run an errand for my girlfriend Alli. She is giving us wraps made in gorgeous Cambodian Silk for her wedding in October.  I took many photos of the material and color options they had available.  We are choosing a lovely copper color.  The matron of honor is having her dress made at this shop.  I am soooo jealous!  The shop is called Cocoon Silk.

I perused a few other shops for my remaining hours. Did I mention that Portland has NO SALES TAX! The temperature got up to 102°F while I was walking around. Whew!  It was really hot and I was glad when 6:00 pm rolled around so I could head back to the Train station and be on my way in air conditioned comfort.

On the way home I relaxed in the dining car again. I enjoyed a bottle of Black Butte Porter and watched the scenery drift by.

I also got to watch the first disc of a series everyone has been recommending, The Gilmore Girls. I enjoyed the first four episodes and thought the writing was very fun and witty.

I had a truly spectacular day. The train ride, meeting Liv and Marvy, shopping at Powell’s books, walking around in Portland, enjoying the terrific shops. Wow. I was smashingly tired by the time I got home (around 10:00 p.m.) but I got to tell MrBeep all about my day and he was happy that I had a good time. 

Fabulous Fotography Friday: Surf's Up!

Well it’s another Friday and I’ve been saving these photos up special. As I mentioned in my previous post “I’m a leaving on a jet plane,” I wanted to make sure my vaycay to SoCal included a trip to the beach to play in the waves with my nephews and niece. I absolutely love those kids. Each one is such an individual spirit, they have been since they were very little. I get to spoil them rotten and a visit from Aunt Optimist is always a hit. Well, I got my wish!

We packed our food and swimsuits and headed off to Huntington Beach. I had a truly great and memorable time. I bought the kids new boogie boards and we hit the waves. There were some gnarly rip tides and the life guard asked us to stay in the first two sets of waves. He had 18 rescues that day. I could tell it was a bit harsh once I felt the surf and I kept a close eye on the kids. Even the smaller waves were very fun and you could easily catch and ride a wave for about twenty feet to shore. We played in the water for hours and didn’t get out of the waves until sunset when the life guards kicked everyone out of the water.

I rode a few good waves in honor of Jill and Clare and Sprogblogger as they were all waxing poetic in comments about playing in the waves. I didn’t bring my Nikon to the beach (too much sand) but I did use my little compact camera. I think I snapped a couple of good photos. Enjoy a day playing in the Pacific Ocean with us!

Here we are all at the beach. We just arrived and the kids bolted straight to the shore to play in the sand. I have 3 nephews (ZMan, Kenz & DrJ) and one niece (MissD).

ZMan had to bury DrJ and was “making him into a mermaid” which must include really big ta tas. They were both giggling like crazy. Why are b00bs so funny to boys? Oh wait. Nevermind. ;-)

I stayed close to the youngest two (9 and 11) and we really enjoyed playing on the boogie boards. I taught my nephew DrJ how to tell which were the best waves for riding versus skipping. He may have drank about a gallon of salt water before he got the hang of jumping to the top of the wave to ride it instead of letting it crash onto the top of him. He got pretty good after a couple of hours.

My older nephews Kenz and ZMan were naturals. They had a great time and bugged me to take them back to the beach in a couple of days. Unfortunately we couldn’t swing it, but I want to go back soon!

Here’s my niece MissD bringing it home on a nice little wave. We found a really cool sand sculpture of a turtle on the beach near our blankets.

ZMan had fun in the water. He wanted to go out to ride the back set of waves. I was concerned about the rip tides and asked him not to. He was really great and stayed in where he could keep an extra eye on his smaller brothers and sister. Kenz was having fun buried up to his waist in the shore. What a clown. He has decided he wants long hair like Uncle MrBeep. I sure love that kid.

The sunset just got better and better as the evening went on. I really wished I had my good camera to get the some really fabulous hi-definition shots, but these turned out pretty good.

My SIL took a picture of MissD, Me and DrJ as we returned from the waves at sunset. I have a special message if you look closely enough. I was sooo happy. I had a great time. We stayed until the last hint of the sunset faded from view. It was absolutely marvelous.

Thanks for spending a day at the Pacific with me and my favorite kids.

A dark journey into my psyche

As the stirrup queen herself says, “Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class.”  I loves me some show and tell goodness.  I look forward to reading everyone’s post each week. After you read my Contribution To Crazy, I recommend you head off to see what the rest of the class is showing.

Today I will show you something very personal.  I know.  Infertility Blogs are chock full of TMI.  We know more about each other’s lady parts, cycles, hopes and fears than is comfortable (once you think about it for more than 20 seconds).  So what’s a little more loss of privacy or dignity, am I right?  I’m going to let you deep inside my mind via…

Yes…you guessed it. 

My refrigerator magnets.  Anyone who knows me really well can tell you my fridge magnets say a lot about my personality and my twisted sense of humor.  I choose my fridge magnets carefully.  Some have been given as gifts, some are found artifacts.  Indiana Jones couldn’t find treasures as good.  You can see any of the photos as a larger version if you click on the image.  Enjoy!

My Fridge Magnet Collection

 

On the real TMI front, I am still taking BCPs for the start of IVF #2 - The Micro-dose Lupron Flare Protocol.  I have 10 more days of pills to go before I do anything that seems even remotely productive.  How f*cked up am I to be looking forward to starting injections?  I think it seems a lot more like I am working towards the goal.  Some semblance of control in an uncontrollable mess, right?  Ah well, c’est la vie de l’infertilité.