24 and 48 and 72

In 24 hours I will officially be 7 weeks.  In 24 hours I will finally finally be home and alone with MrBeep.  Don’t get me wrong, I am glad that I was able to be there for my brother.  He is doing much better and will now just need to do things to improve his health.  He has stopped smoking and is now taking walks with the kids in the evening.  It has been nice to see my SIL, niece and nephews.  It has been great spending a few days with my grandparents and parents.  It will be a treat tonight to see one of my best friend’s from 7th grade through high school.  But really folks, I want to be home.  I want to smell the damp earth and listen to the rain.  I want to be with my wonderful MrBeep who calls me every day and texts me and makes me so happy but he is far away and it makes me crazy.  I miss smiling until my face hurts, I miss laughing so much my sides ache.  MrBeep took the day off and will pick me up from the airport.  Yay! 

In 48 hours I will be settled in at home, with all my travels washed away.  I will have snuggled and snoozed with MrBeep.  I will have walked in the last remnants of fall colors. I will have caught up on some film work and web stuff.  I will have enjoyed a game night with my pals.  I will have been able to cook a dinner in my own kitchen with my own things.  My life will once again begin to return and surround me.  My mind can begin to return to a place of peace from all this chaos.

In 72 hours I will have some news.  I will have seen what is going on first hand.  I will have some information.  I am scheduled for an ultrasound at the RE office on Sunday at 2:30 p.m.  They say I can call on Saturday to see if they have any openings so perhaps I can find out sooner if possible.  I hope to get an appointment on Saturday, but Sunday will do.  It feels like it taking so long to find out, even though it will have only been an extra week.  I am getting terrified of disappointment.  I am so close to starting a new path on my journey to a family of my own.  I am curious and nervous and scared and excited.  I hope it is good news.  In less than 72 hours I will know. 

Happily Halfway Home

I flew back from Florida with my brother very early on Friday morning.  I  managed to get a H1N1 flu shot from the county health dept folks (who were so nice to appreciate my situation and offer to help).  I received the shot on Tues afternoon so I felt much better flying on Friday.  I was still extra careful in washing my hands and using sanitizer. My brother is doing much better and is able to walk around on his own.  He had to take a break while walking from one terminal area to the other at the Houston airport, but otherwise made the trip without problems.  His wife and kids were really appy to see him returned safely.  He wore compression stockings during the flight, got up and walked around and also did leg exercises.  I managed on the last day and during the flights home to get him hooked on Heroes Season 1.  I also got a nephew hooked.  

I feel out of touch as blogger was blocked by the hospital wifi and I have spent the last 2 days in the wifi void at my grandparents house.  I am currently typing this entry on my Palm Pre cell phone, so please forgive any blatant errors.  I plan to fly home to Seattle on Friday.  I will ask for an appointment with DocO first thing since I had to cancel my first ultrasound that was supposed to be today. :-(  I am sooooo curious and anxious to find out what is happening and whether or not I am still pregnant.  I think I am.  Here's the symptom list:

*  Occasionally very sore boobs
*  Slightly darker hue/sensitive nipples
*  Weighty full feeling in uterus
*  Crazy tired falling asleep in a chair even after 8 hours sleep

I've had no spotting or total loss of symptoms.  Part of me would feel better if I had some nausea spells, and I have felt a little queasy from time to time but it has always been after I ate way too much or made a bad combination choice.  So I dunno.  However I am only 6w3d.  I hope to soon regret ever typing my barf envy -- but I don't mean YOU Invitro Veritas. All kidding aside, I hope you are feeling better sweetie.  I hope I will be able to catch up very soon.  Sending love and IF Optimist vibes of support and hope to all on the four winds.

Many improvements

My brother is getting much better.  He is young and strong and recovering quickly.  He has been able in the last few days to get up and walk around the pulmonary ward.  We are waiting for his blood work to come up to the levels that the doctors would prefer before being released, so he is still in the hospital.  He was able to shower and shave today and was taken off of supplementary oxygen all day long.  We hope he will be released on Tuesday and we will try to fly back some time on Friday, taking things in short 2-3 hour trips with a 2 hour layover in between.

I’m glad to be here supporting my brother, but I would really love to be home, where it is fall and the leaves are orange and red and yellow.   I asked my brother today, “Why couldn’t you get sick in late November or February when I am fed up with all of the rain and the short days?  Why did you have to do it during my favorite part of fall?  I insist that you don’t do this again.”  He agreed.  We’ve been having fun playing cards and watching TV and movies.

I got the seasonal flu vaccine on Sunday and have arranged to get the H1N1 some time on Tuesday.  The local health department was very understanding of my situation.

I miss MrBeep very much.  He checks on me and the monsters, he sends me texts and emails and photos.  Today I got this one with the message “lovely clouds for a lovely girl”. 

 

The water is Puget Sound.  How I miss the smell of wet mossy earth, I miss my MrBeep. 

Family & flights & Florida & flushots and…Fluck

Things with me and the monsters are so far so good from what I can tell.  No spotting, no major symptoms other than very sore breasts and nipples and sometimes feeling a tugging or tightness or “muscle pull” from mah ladybizness when I turn over in bed in a weird way or twist my body around in an unusual manner.  Today is 5w1d.  1 week and three days until the official first-look ultrasound, but oh wait…didn’t I tell you about my insane horrible week?

The week was going along relatively fine, the film production was crazy but pretty stable.  Some fires being put out on a daily basis, but no majorly “out of control, evacuate the area” scenarios.  We achieved a pretty nice balance between me and the Associate Producer to make things easier on this “newly pregnant woman” when I got a phone message first thing Thursday morning from my SIL.  My brother had complained of shortness of breath while on a business trip in Florida, he was being rushed to the local emergency room.  By the time I picked up the message and talked to my mom, dad and sister-in-law the doctors diagnosed what happened.  He had a pulmonary embolism.  Due to a very long time sitting at the airport and on the plane, a blood clot formed in his leg.  A couple of days later, while he was out on a business trip in Florida, the clots dislodged and traveled through his heart and into both lungs.  It has bruised his heart and caused so much obstruction in his lungs he can barely breathe.  I found out the details of his condition at 11:15 am. 

My brother is married and has 4 kids ranging in age from 8 to 15.  His wife, while she wanted to come out to be with him, needs to be home and take care of the kids.  My mom is on kidney dialysis and can't travel, my dad just had an operation on his elbow and also has to take care of my mom.  It's just me and my brother.  We don’t have any other siblings.

I discussed options with MrBeep, who is very nervous about me travelling across the country, going through airports, hanging out in hospitals, etc. while being pregnant during flu season.  We weighed the pros and cons and discussed how my brother would require an escort to return to LA.  In the end we decided that I would go and try to be as careful as I possible.  I was on the plane from Seattle to Miami at 1:15 pm.  I arrived that evening 10:00 pm EST, grabbed a rental car and drove another couple of hours out her where I currently type.  Naples, FL. 

My brother is awake and mentally perfect.  My brother (MrBeep calls him “The Bro-ham”) is typically very healthy and as strong as a horse, now he can barely walk from his hospital bed to the bathroom and back without almost passing out due to lack of oxygen.  He is really scared and before I got here was totally alone in a place where we have no friends or family.  I am so glad that I was able to come out and give him some companionship and comfort.  The doctors are doing everything they can, but it is very frightening that you could be fine one minute and in a dire situation the next.

While I am here I am checking into getting both the seasonal and the H1N1 flu shots, but can’t find the H1N1 in the county so far.  The  local “help” line isn’t very helpful at all, the operator bordered on moronic.  I explained I was from far away, didn’t have a doctor or clinic and asked how I would find out who had the vaccine. She suggest that I visit a website that I explained I had already read and it gave no locations.  She suggested that I listen to the radio, but had no idea what station, etc., then she gave me a number for the county health department that was so old, it had a number change recording.  I will try to talk to my brother’s doctor tomorrow, but from what one of the floor nurses said, it sounds like even the staff at the hospital has not yet received vaccination for H1N1.  In another week I’m going to have to travel through 3 additional airports before heading back to Seattle.  I would really prefer to be vaccinated well before I have to travel again.

I have so much more to say, but I am so very tired…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. *snort* WHA? Eh fluck, I’m off to sleep.  More on H1N1 and pregnancy tomorrow.  G’night.

2nd beta – may I have a drumroll please

bbbrrrbbbbrrrrbbbbrrrrrbbrrrrbbbrrrr (this is my written version of the sound a drumroll makes, pretty good eh?  Can you hear it in your head?  You’re welcome.)

Nurse Sarah called a little while ago and was being a smidge teasingly evasive, I said “Hey, girlfriend pony up the number” and then she said, “well, we are typically looking a beta number to double, your previous was 565 and your number today is…

2014.9 – Yay Monsters!

and that, dear Traci is what we call ‘Robust’.  You should have been here at the office when we got your results on Saturday. There was a huge WOOP in the reception area that went all around the office.  Those who weren’t in on Saturday immediately logged in on Monday asking, if Traci was pregnant.”  She asked me if MrBeep told me the story of how she told him of the positive on Saturday.

“No, he didn’t, but he is a guy.”

“True enough” said Sarah “when I called on Saturday afternoon I asked for you and he said, ‘I’m sorry but she’s taking a nap right now.’  I said, we’ll that makes sense because that’s what pregnant women do. Then there was a beat and he said, ‘Really?’ and I told him the good news of the 1st beta number.”  She also asked me if I wanted to know what the number meant and I said, “Twins?” and she said it’s very likely.  Whew.  We’ll find out when I have my first ultrasound.  It is scheduled for the afternoon of Nov. 2nd. That day will officially be considered 6w3d.

I told MrBeep who was grinning over the phone and so very happy about the news.  I’m over the moon and relieved and hopeful and how many days away is Nov. 2nd?  Oh yeah, it’s a 2WW.  Why does that seem so familiar?

Monsters a go-go

It’s official.

Monster 1, or 2 or 3 or some combo snuggled in.

 

Beta #1 today (10dp5dt) was…

565!

 

The RE office says that they usually look for that number to be in the above a hundred range.  This is so far very good news.  It could mean that they snuggled in right away.  That is a good thing too.  I can’t believe the first thing on my checklist to have a family, after 5 long years, is finally done.

Step 1:  Get Pregnant.  CHECK.

I know it’s just the beginning and there are a million things that can go wrong or cause worry, but today I am just going to be happy.  Love love love to all monsters out there both great and small.

Magic and miracles

From the bottom of my heart, and the top of my head, and the deepest reaches of my soul…

Thank you

Thank you so much for the good thoughts and prayers from yesterday.  I think they worked magic and miracles.  No matter what happens today, your comments and support helped set my mind at ease, my panicked self was calmed.

I woke up at 8:15 a.m. checked the *ahem* and no more pink.  I only got a little bit after a couple of checks last night after The Freakout that turned from a hint of pink to a hint of brown.  Maybe the prometrium tablet irritated my insides?  I was just heading off to the set and found the pink and I lost it.  It was just a little too perfect for the timing, y’know?  Yesterday was the first day AF was due to arrive and I am NEVER late.  I was getting those strange crampy symptoms right before the bitch comes for her visit.  All the tenderness in my breasts had suddenly disappeared.  It was all too much a coincidence, hence the freakout. I knew it wasn’t implantation bleeding since that can happen roughly 2-5 days after transfer.  Friday was 9dp5dt.

I had my awesome assistant Mike take over production/location management yesterday (he knows what is going on with me and gave me a big hug and told me to go home and take care of myself).  It was a very good idea because the gaffer and grip team showed up 2 hours late (just as I was leaving).  I had gotten into a minor argument with the Director of Photography and the 1st AD the day before about their scheduling.

Me: Why is the lighting team scheduled on the call sheets at the same time as everyone else?  They are often late and take the longest to set up.  I understand that they are pros and set up in a very reasonable amount of time given the complexity of what they do, but dangit.  Many times we are waiting on them and don’t start shooting ‘til 3-4 hours after call time.  Why aren’t they scheduled an hour earlier?  The actors who are getting here on time are pissed (justifiably so).

Their answer:  No they aren’t late and never hold up production.  You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Me in my brain yesterday: (2.5 hours after call time while the grip team is barely unloading) HA!  Suck it gentlemen!  Enjoy your late night, a-holes. I’m audi 5000.

I dropped off some legal paperwork, got a little footage for the behind the scenes the documentary, and was on my way. 

I came home and relaxed with MrBeep who calmed me and reassured me and made me feel a ton better.  He told me “don’t give up” and “stay positive for the monsters” and “you don’t know just yet” combined with his smile and his eyes and my heart was soothed.  How do they do that?  Love is so many things and I am lucky to know it…and MrBeep.

Today is a very very rainy day (even for Seattle).  I hydroplaned drove to the RE’s office this morning and gave my blood.  In that tiny vial it is my Answer.  Our Answer.