Tiny dancer in my hands

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly…slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

I’m so glad that Marie at MoreCheese received great news after her ER.  The embies are working their little hearts out, growing away in the lab.  I promised her on the Resolve boards that I would do a silly fertility dance at midnight for the last few days.  Maybe my dances have been a little too intense because my numbers are going crazy right now. This tiny dancer is in fate’s hands and honestly, I’m really getting scared. 

I have taken stims for only 7 days.  My estradiol numbers have gone up well. I have lots of follicles on each ovary progressing nicely day by day.  I was very satisfied with what was happening, it seemed predicted and normal.  It was estimated earlier in the week that I would trigger on Day 10 with ER on Day 12.  Today I went in and my ultrasound looked good.  I had one follicle at 18, most of the rest were a few at 17, 16, and 15 (plus a few smaller ones chugging along).  I was told if my blood work was normal, that I would probably trigger on Sunday (Day 9) or Monday (Day 10). By the way the term “trigger” refers to taking a hormone called HCG.  Taking a HCG shot will force your body to ovulate in about 36 hours.

I received my afternoon update/instruction call from the RE nurse.  She asked me if I had taken my antagonist (cetrotide) that morning.  I told her I had taken it today and yesterday on time, without fail.  Well, my LH was surging on my own and it was too high for them to put off the trigger for even one more day.  So even though my follicles were very close to perfect/classic numbers we are rushing things along due to my wonky chemistry.  My LH hit 15, my E2 is at 2251.  I was sooo close.  Drat. Argh. FFFFFFFFuck! 

I told my husband over the phone when I heard the news from the RE nurse.  I lost it a bit and started to cry.  He was so understanding and kind.  He cheered me up, reminded me that we have some good looking ones that are very close to being ready.  I know that I could have had much worse news, but I do have a boatload of hormones zipping around in my system.  You can call me Girly McWeepypants.

What’s the big deal?  Well this means that I may get fewer mature eggs because the follicles aren’t as far along in the stim cycle.  Do you have any information on the best size of follicles versus E2 levels?  I did read a summary of a scientific paper that showeed evidence of smaller follicles for women over 35 leading to improved pregnancy rates, but they were using a different protocol than mine.  I can only hope that eggies are growing like gangbusters now that the drugs are done.  It’s all in my hands.

Ballerina,
you must have seen her
dancing in the sand

And now she's in me,
always with me,
tiny dancer in my hand

Now this tiny dancer is off for a midnight silly song/fertility dance for Marie’s embies (and now my follies too).