From the bottom of my heart, and the top of my head, and the deepest reaches of my soul…
Thank you so much for the good thoughts and prayers from yesterday. I think they worked magic and miracles. No matter what happens today, your comments and support helped set my mind at ease, my panicked self was calmed.
I woke up at 8:15 a.m. checked the *ahem* and no more pink. I only got a little bit after a couple of checks last night after The Freakout that turned from a hint of pink to a hint of brown. Maybe the prometrium tablet irritated my insides? I was just heading off to the set and found the pink and I lost it. It was just a little too perfect for the timing, y’know? Yesterday was the first day AF was due to arrive and I am NEVER late. I was getting those strange crampy symptoms right before the bitch comes for her visit. All the tenderness in my breasts had suddenly disappeared. It was all too much a coincidence, hence the freakout. I knew it wasn’t implantation bleeding since that can happen roughly 2-5 days after transfer. Friday was 9dp5dt.
I had my awesome assistant Mike take over production/location management yesterday (he knows what is going on with me and gave me a big hug and told me to go home and take care of myself). It was a very good idea because the gaffer and grip team showed up 2 hours late (just as I was leaving). I had gotten into a minor argument with the Director of Photography and the 1st AD the day before about their scheduling.
Me: Why is the lighting team scheduled on the call sheets at the same time as everyone else? They are often late and take the longest to set up. I understand that they are pros and set up in a very reasonable amount of time given the complexity of what they do, but dangit. Many times we are waiting on them and don’t start shooting ‘til 3-4 hours after call time. Why aren’t they scheduled an hour earlier? The actors who are getting here on time are pissed (justifiably so).
Their answer: No they aren’t late and never hold up production. You don’t know what you’re talking about.
Me in my brain yesterday: (2.5 hours after call time while the grip team is barely unloading) HA! Suck it gentlemen! Enjoy your late night, a-holes. I’m audi 5000.
I dropped off some legal paperwork, got a little footage for the behind the scenes the documentary, and was on my way.
I came home and relaxed with MrBeep who calmed me and reassured me and made me feel a ton better. He told me “don’t give up” and “stay positive for the monsters” and “you don’t know just yet” combined with his smile and his eyes and my heart was soothed. How do they do that? Love is so many things and I am lucky to know it…and MrBeep.
Today is a very very rainy day (even for Seattle). I
hydroplaned drove to the RE’s office this morning and gave my blood. In that tiny vial it is my Answer. Our Answer.