Awhile back, it seems live forever-and-a-day ago, I wrote in a post called, “Are you kidding me?” that I had a cyst on my right ovary and it seemed to be caused (rather than prevented) by the birth control pills I was taking for the start of my IVF #2 protocol. In the post I joked about someone coming over to punch me in the ovary to pop the bastard, but alas…no one came over to try. So I had to wait it out for the danged thing to disappear on its own. Next cycle it seemed fine. Righty had no large follicles. I started birth control pills and again, this time 9 days later, I had a nice juicy cyst on the right ovary. Just big enough to cause problems. After the ultrasound I joked with DocO and said, “OK Doc. How about you just punch me as hard as you can in the ovary and we’ll see if we can pop it. Think that will work?” Honestly he looked a bit surprised, realized I was joking and said back, “Well, there have been no scientific papers published on that method. We could try to start a study, but I think it would be very difficult to find volunteers.” We laughed and I agreed to try it their way, all science-y and proven and get the cyst aspirated.
I got my favorite ladydoc for this procedure, DrKAwesome. The cyst aspiration prep is similar to egg retrieval. You undress, get into a gown, booties, hat. They put yummy warm blankets on you and get an IV going and shoot you full of some happy drugs that are quite similar to having 2 double-martinis. Did I mention that I’m a happy drunk? When the proper amount of loopyness sets in, they wheel you into the procedure room. First you scoot onto the fancy mega stirrup table. Then you get a “WHOA good morning!” wake up call from a cold speculum and a special ultrasound wand with a retractable needle attachment is welcomed into the party. DrKAwesome used the ultrasound image to line up the cyst and
***WHAM!**** punched me in the ovary
…or at least that is what it felt like. Unluckily for me, stubborn ole righty shifted and rolled a bit during the punch (it was bobbing and weaving like a champ). DrKAwesome had to do it a total of 3 times to get that bastard popped. It felt exactly like getting punched multiple times in the ovary. Luckily it is only uncomfortable for a brief time, there is a minute amount of bleeding (like a 1/2 tsp) and then you are given yummy crackers and sent home. Afterwards you get to watch as much TV as you want and fall asleep on the couch and have MrBeep take you out for delicious Pho because it’s your pick for dinner. Mmmmmmmm spicy beefy noodly soupy goodness.
So, um, yeah…being punched in the ovary? Don’t ask for that and don’t joke about that, OK?