Be careful what you wish

Awhile back, it seems live forever-and-a-day ago, I wrote in a post called, “Are you kidding me?” that I had a cyst on my right ovary and it seemed to be caused (rather than prevented) by the birth control pills I was taking for the start of my IVF #2 protocol. In the post I joked about someone coming over to punch me in the ovary to pop the bastard, but alas…no one came over to try.  So I had to wait it out for the danged thing to disappear on its own.  Next cycle it seemed fine.  Righty had no large follicles. I started birth control pills and again, this time 9 days later, I had a nice juicy cyst on the right ovary. Just big enough to cause problems. After the ultrasound I joked with DocO and said, “OK Doc.  How about you just punch me as hard as you can in the ovary and we’ll see if we can pop it.  Think that will work?”  Honestly he looked a bit surprised, realized I was joking and said back, “Well, there have been no scientific papers published on that method.  We could try to start a study, but I think it would be very difficult to find volunteers.”  We laughed and I agreed to try it their way, all science-y and proven and get the cyst aspirated.

I got my favorite ladydoc for this procedure, DrKAwesome. The cyst aspiration prep is similar to egg retrieval.  You undress, get into a gown, booties, hat.  They put yummy warm blankets on you and get an IV going and shoot you full of some happy drugs that are quite similar to having 2 double-martinis. Did I mention that I’m a happy drunk?  When the proper amount of loopyness sets in, they wheel you into the procedure room.  First you scoot onto the fancy mega stirrup table. Then you get a “WHOA good morning!” wake up call from a cold speculum and a special ultrasound wand with a retractable needle attachment is welcomed into the party.  DrKAwesome used the ultrasound image to line up the cyst and

***WHAM!**** punched me in the ovary

…or at least that is what it felt like.  Unluckily for me, stubborn ole righty shifted and rolled a bit during the punch (it was bobbing and weaving like a champ).  DrKAwesome had to do it a total of 3 times to get that bastard popped.  It felt exactly like getting punched multiple times in the ovary.  Luckily it is only uncomfortable for a brief time, there is a minute amount of bleeding (like a 1/2 tsp) and then you are given yummy crackers and sent home.  Afterwards you get to watch as much TV as you want and fall asleep on the couch and have MrBeep take you out for delicious Pho because it’s your pick for dinner.  Mmmmmmmm spicy beefy noodly soupy goodness.

So, um, yeah…being punched in the ovary?  Don’t ask for that and don’t joke about that, OK?

12 comments on "Be careful what you wish"

Suzy on September 18, 2009 at 9:22 AM said...

OUCH! I've had an ovary cyst rupture and it sent me to the ER. I would imagine it's the same kind of pain.

Hope you feel better fast!

Beautiful Mess on September 18, 2009 at 9:23 AM said...

OUCHIES! Damn you had meds AND it was still painful. Hope you're feeling better and the yummy food helped. Stay away cysts!

Pie on September 18, 2009 at 9:35 AM said...

Ugh, that sounds like no fun, except for the Pho part. At least it's gone now, and you are feeling better soon.

One Who Understands on September 18, 2009 at 10:05 AM said...

That does not sound like fun. Althogh the after party does. Hopefully it is now dead and gone. Now on to the fun part, stims! Let's get the party started.

You and MrBeep are just the sweetest! Your posts always make me smile.

PS I love Pho!!

jill on September 18, 2009 at 10:58 AM said...

But now I really want to sign up so that Mr. Beep has to take me out for Pho too!! :)

Seriously though, that sounds like an incredibly unpleasant procedure. I'm thinking cystless thoughts for you!

Thanks so much for your supportive comment - it means a lot to me :)

(p.s. I can't image you as anything other than a happy drunk. You really have a wonderful, cheerful presence in your posts, even when you are describing unpleasant things.)

Mad Hatter on September 18, 2009 at 12:21 PM said...

Ugh! How awful! So glad it was surrounded by nice things like warm blankets and yummy food and stuff!! You were a brave soldier, lass, and deserve a medal! How about a baby? ;-) Hoping and wishing for one for you this cycle!

Sunny on September 18, 2009 at 2:14 PM said...

For some reason now I have that one song in my head:

"I'm gonna knock you out... mama said knock you out... I'm gonna knock you out... mama said knock you out."

Now those are some good lyrics. Two thumbs up for knocking that cyst out... now let's get on to the baby makin'!

Anonymous said...

I am glad it is over for you!!! I had two cysts rupture in the past - and this is really TMI - but is was during regular old missionary sex - and my poor husband was mortified that we had to tell the doc at the ER that - we did not know what it was and the pain was EXCRUCIATING. Needless to say, the nurse took me aside and asked me all sorts of questions about Mr. M and our life...the funny part of it was that my diagnosis was listed as "painful sexual act for female" Poor Mr. M...

Lisa from meinsideout

mekate on September 18, 2009 at 5:33 PM said...

fucking fuck T, that sounds like no fun (except the happy drugs)... hope you are good and done with THAT.
Do you start stims? or get rewanded? or ?
I am ignorant about the next steps

Clare on September 19, 2009 at 2:21 AM said...

Ow! Punched in the ovary! 3 times! Hope you feel much better soon!

one-hit_wonder on September 19, 2009 at 10:44 AM said...

Yuuuuuck. Hope you're feeling better.

JJ on September 21, 2009 at 9:55 AM said...

Yup...know that pain all too well--OWW! Are you feeling better? I hope, hope, hope you are.


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