I wanted to thank you all so very much for all of the wonderful support and advice I received from my prior post, “Overwhelming Fear.” I don’t like it that many of you also have had to cope with this awful consuming fear, but I was glad to know that I am not alone and for many of you who had problems during your 2nd trimester that you are just a few days or weeks away from meeting your sons and daughters very close or at full term. It gives me so much hope to know that you’ve made it so far despite the bedrest and irritable uterus mayhem and uncooperative cervixes.
When I hit last Friday and had a bad day, it really struck me as so hard and unfair and well…you read about it. Because of my two surgeries to remove the big fibroid, carrying to term has been something in the back of my mind that has always made me extra nervous. I’ve had a half-dozen awesome OB/GYNs assure me that it’s no big deal, the surgery was a great success and everything looks really good, but still…I get scared and doubt fills me until it all bubbles over into a freakout. Then I am a little better afterward. I am feeling better because of the rest I took and because of the encouragement and support I received from you all and my best friend MrBeep.
After my emergency cerclage at 18 weeks I had made a countdown ticker on my igoogle home page. Setting the goal date to my due date was just too far away, so I set the countdown for 24 weeks. My new big goal, make it to viability and then set a new goal. It is much easier to take in manageable chunks. Today my ticker said “10 days until viability,” I’ve decided to do 10 posts in 10 days to help me get through it. I’m taking all of your excellent advice along the way. I promise to give you props when your special countdown advice day hits. ;-)
Today I wanted spotlight K at Waiting for Sunflower who wrote this advice:
“How do I cope? I literally tell myself one day at a time. I have a lilypie counter and each day that passes is a victory. It's a countdown to the end of the week. I cannot look at the end, I look at it in weekly increments.”
Also Sunny in Seattle, who is holding in there with much stricter bedrest demands than whiney ole me said:
Milestones are nice, but I also try to appreciate every day for what it is. I know you aren't quite at viability yet, but when you get there, every day you stay pregnant is worth TWO days less in the NICU. My boys…are strong, they are fighters, and we ARE all going to get through this.
Hitting Day 10 inspired me to take the advice about and really focus on each good day at a time. I spent resting for most of the day. I re-read all of your excellent comments on my post aloud to the grrl monsters, we are all touched and I cried a few tears of appreciation, they wiggled their approval. I’ve been watching the series Ballykissangel on Netflix Watch Instantly and have finished Season 1. Today I started Season 2. I ordered some things online to help with organization that I can do while on the couch (Yay nesting fantasies!). I finished off some web design work that made me some extra dough. I made my meals, washed the dishes (well, put them in the dishwasher), played gems swap II on face.book, planned a girls movie night at my house for some time in the next couple of weeks. I’ve got to say that Day 10 went well. Keeping busy but not physically overdoing anything really helped my day.
I get to go to two separate doctors appointments tomorrow, one with my Perinatologist, DrGav for a cervix check and amniotic fluid update, then straight off to my ObDoc for a routine checkup. I’ll talk to them about my bad day on Friday. I hope to get some good news to set my mind at ease. Already I am looking forward to Day 9. Stay tuned…