Symptom watch: generally feeling great – tiny bit of breast tenderness and sensitive nips, very minor occasional queasiness, heavy feeling in uterus, slight fatigue. All of these symptoms can be caused by pregnancy or progesterone. A little bit of good news? No spotting whatsoever. I called my mom who said she didn’t really have morning sickness, and never vomited. Maybe a slight upset tummy once and a while but never anything else. I also never get motion sickness in cars, roller coasters, etc. Generally the bigger, faster and spinnier a carnival ride the better for me, so maybe I am just not very susceptible (studies seem to indicate this). However, I am still very edgy since it is the LOSS of symptoms I had in weeks 5-8 rather than their total absence that makes me nervous. The always wonderful MeKate provided an excellent link in one of her comments that did calm my panic. You should absolutely check it out.
Truth is, I’m hiding out. I’m doing everything I can to avoid people I know in real life because I am dreading the question of how things are going with the IVF/How are you feeling *hint, hint*/Any news *wink, wink*. Thanks to the vivid dreams lately, I’ve actually been having nightmares about it. Oh and those vivid dreams can be caused by…ready for it…pregnancy OR progesterone. So does that symptom help me know whether I’m still knocked up or not? No. Gah!
I have a friend hinting to a group of us how she needs help packing for their move to a new home. Normally this is the type of thing that I am right on, but I don’t want to talk about my current status while I am alone with my friend. Oh and did I mention their 10 month old that I would help to babysit during that time? Oh yeah, there’s that too. So the talk would be 100% baby baby baby. Plus, I shouldn’t lift anything heavy, I can’t drink (I know they’ll offer) and they have two cats and I don’t know how much stuff I want to touch. What if they want me to help pack their laundry room where the litter box is located? I know…not likely but would YOU want to do it?
I am supposed to go to a dinner/football thing on Saturday evening. MrBeep’s parents (who we told I was pregnant at 5w4d--that’s another story) will be there and I don’t want to endure any positive hopeful looks while I am feeling like all is lost. MrBeep promised to talk to them about keeping it on the down low. I really want to attend and eat and watch the game, I just wish I could do it undercover. Anyone got some dark sunglasses?
My friend M, who I have mentioned in a 4 part series, should be giving birth at any minute, if she hasn’t already done so. She travelled to a country in Latin America to deliver and I don’t know any news. Honestly, I don’t really want to. The problem is I will see a mutual friend who knows everything at the football thing and will be sure to update me. I can’t stand the idea hearing how one person had their baby while I am thinking I lost mine. I know…I am a total shitty friend.
Also I don’t want be around anyone because I just don’t know what I can say. Yes? No? Maybe? I don’t want to break into tears. I don’t know how to gracefully skirt the question. I just want a couple more weeks to get farther along. I want a little more time to feel confident. I’ll feel much better if there is good news at the Sunday ultrasound (well, duh…of course I’ll feel a bajillion times better). But if that is positive news, then I will get a fetal doppler and give it to MrBeep. He can regulate its use on a freakout/need to know ratio.
A huge part of me thinks I should push for an ultrasound on Friday afternoon, that way I can skip all interaction on the weekend if it is bad news or enjoy the weekend if it is good news. An interesting idea, but I don’t know if MrBeep could be there or if they have any open appointments. I don’t want to get bad news without him there to be with me. Maybe I should just say I’m PUPO, push back these worries and enjoy my Saturday. What would you do?