Wordless Wednesday

2 Monster Scoops – The Big Reveal

It has taken sooooooooo long to get all of the results from amnio, but I’ll explain about that later.  The most important thing is that they are both healthy with no known issues.  I can’t express how relieved I am, how much of a heavy weight has held my heart down.  Now my heart is light and full of joy.

So now the Big Reveal…I posted a poll to see if you could guess the gender of the monsters. 

The poll question was: 
What flavor are the monsters?

A:   Strawberry (2 girls)
B:   Boysenberry (2 boys)
C:   A scoop of each (1 boy, 1 girl)

Did you guess correctly?
Can you tell from the photo?
Give up yet?

Yes, that my friends is two scoops of STRAWBERRY ice cream.  We are pregnant with two little girls, or as I call them “Grrrl Monsters”.

We had a great appointment at the MFM for my 20 week ultrasound.  They are measuring in the 70th percentile, way up from a month ago’s 40th percentile.  Their weight is estimated at 14 ounces. Here are the latest ultrasound pics

For more good news, I have been taken off of bed rest!  The cervix is looking good and closed at about 3.1 cm. The previa continues to migrate away from the cervix but we aren’t done yet. I’ve had no cramping or bleeding or complications.  I am still advised to take it easy, but at least I can sit up, use a chair, cook dinner, run a couple of errands if I need to.  DrGav told me to use good judgment and try to stay off my feet as much as possible.  I go back again for another quick check in a week and then I may get to every other week afterwards. 

mekate asked if there were going to be any belly shots.  I have decided to post, but I have to say that I am normally apple shaped and big breasted too.  As an added bonus these two have surely blossomed that into a OMG I’M HUGE! situation. 

Twin B “Pip” is currently laying sideways across the top and is and making the belly extra huge.  I am happy about this, but was a little shocked when I saw the photo myself. :-)

I’m just so happy right now because there is really a lot of great news this week with many of my bloggidy friends. 

Oh, and the strawberry ice cream?

The best I have ever ate.

OXXO to you all – Traci aka “IF Optimist”.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr <sigh> Pass the nachos.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I tried.  Really I did.  The advice on when to get my ultrasound basically fell into two categories:

1. Call RE and schedule ultrasound for Friday, get it off my mind, hopefully MrBeep can make it.
2. Hang out until Sunday afternoon, MrBeep guaranteed to be there, get answer.

Easy ‘nuff said, right?  MrBeep checked his schedule and could make a Friday afternoon appointment if there was one free.  I called on Thursday and they were very apologetic, but said they didn’t have any available openings on Friday afternoon at all.  Saturday after 11 am was an option for them, but not for me.  So Sunday afternoon it would be right?  Nope.  A RE Nurse called on Friday afternoon and explained that my Sunday appointment would have to be cancelled because DrKAwesome would be busy with procedures all day.  Now this may seem odd, but my RE’s office is a smaller practice and the patients who need egg retrievals and transfers done that precise day take precedence over a non-time critical OB ultrasound.  This was explained to me before the Sunday appointment was made.  I am so happy for those other patients who have gotten to the point of retrieval/transfer that I totally understand.  I want them to be really busy with good news, it means they are doing a great job for their patients.  I want that success for everyone. 

<sigh>

So where does that leave me?  I have an appointment on Monday at 11:00 am with DocO for my OB ultrasound, this weekday appointment won’t be cancelled.  MrBeep will be there with me and we’ll know for sure what is going on. And here’s the crazy part.  I am totally OK with it.  I am fine.  One day later is one day further along and hopefully we will get good news.  The later you see good results the better your chances.  My symptoms continue to be minor but steady, so hopefully that is good news and not just progesterone. I skipped out on helping my friend pack and move (she’ll understand when I explain sometime in the future), I will enjoy my time out tonight with wonderful family, great food and fun football (Wolverines vs. Buckeyes…GO WOLVERINES!!!!) 

I am smart enough to skirt uncomfortable questions, right?  Here I am practicing:

How are things with the cycle?  Good.

What’s going on?  Y’know. Working on it. Doing all we can. (eyes watching football)

Your friend M had her kid (blah blah details, etc.)  That’s great, tell her I said congrats. (eyes watching football)

Do you want a beer?  No thanks. 

C’mon, its a special brew.  Sounds yummy but I’m taking medicine that says no alcohol.  I brought delicious Vernor’s ginger ale.  Do you want one?

How about a cup of coffee?  No thanks.  It will keep me up and I’m totally stuffed full.

More digging questions of various uncomfortable kinds.  SHUT THE HELL UP!  Watch the dang football game.  Pass the nachos.

I’m ready.  ;-)

It all started with a snuggle…

Wednesday was scheduled for my day 5 embryo transfer.  I made it and was soooooo happy that morning.  I started in my favorite way…with a snuggle.  This time I decided this time to skip the pre-transfer acupuncture session and traded that time for extra hugs and calm assurances.  MrBeep is a snugglebug and this makes me a very very happy girl indeed.

I brought all the magic juju I could think of.  Naturally I had on my wedding ring, but on my other hand I wore my great-grandmother’s ruby cluster ring.  On my neck I wore my grandmother’s locket she gave me to wear on my wedding day.  My grandpa gave it to her when they were dating, over sixty years ago.  I also wore a jade and gold necklace my mom gave me.  I picked it out for her on a visit to San Francisco when I was about 7 years old.  I always loved that necklace and she gave it to me as a wedding gift.  I wore her mother’s earring in one ear and JJ’s earring in the other ear.  Counting my wedding ring, it was 4 generations of luck on one side of the family and three generations on the other.  I even wore my favorite nifty socks.  ;-)  After morning prep, ensuring full bladder uncomfortability stage and popping a happy pill, I was whisked off headed to the RE’s office. 

We arrived and were greeted by the staff with many wishes of good luck   I slipped into a sexy hospital gown number and was covered with warm blankets.  I love the warm blankets.  MrBeep got to wear pretty blue scrubs.  FYI - Many aspects were similar to last time in terms of how an embryo transfer is performed, the prep and procedure.  If you are curious, you can read about it in my prior post, “Showin’ and Tellin’ about my little monsters.”

We relaxed in the room a while when DrKAwesome stopped by to give us the embryologist’s report.  All six embryos were still alive at day 5 and they had 3 who were in the best shape and a little farther along in development.  They had successfully reached the early blastocyst stage.  As a review, we got 18 eggs, out of those 14 were mature and 10 fertilized normally using ICSI.  At day 3 6 looked pretty good, so they decided to go for a day 5 transfer, my RE office generally only does this if 5 or more are looking good. You may ask, why is keeping track of how embryos are doing is important?  There have been very specific studies at Stanford University that look the likelyhood of getting pregnant on an IVF cycle.

The researchers found that four factors—total number of embryos, number of eight-cell embryos, percentage of embryos that stopped dividing and would die, and the woman’s follicle-stimulating hormone level, a measurement that estimates ovarian function—were most important in determining a woman’s chance of becoming pregnant. The four together were 70 percent accurate in predicting whether the current IVF cycle would result in a pregnancy.

The researchers also found that these four factors were more predictive than any single measure of the actual transferred embryo(s). An individual embryo could meet all the criteria for a transfer, but if the IVF cycle produced a small number of embryos, few eight-cell embryos and a high percentage of embryos that stopped dividing, the woman’s chance of getting pregnant could actually be quite low.

“If you talk with IVF patients or doctors, they wouldn’t be surprised” to hear that the quality of all embryos in a cycle—not just the transferred one—matters, Yao said. “But it’s important to go beyond intuition and to prove it scientifically, in order to move the field forward.”

You can find the full article here.  http://med.stanford.edu/news_releases/2008/july/IVF.html.  I know this is not 100% sure, but it does a lot to put my mind and heart at ease during the 2WW.  Many of my ladies already know this, but after 40 this becomes an even scarier notion.  It is a big indicator of whether you will be refused/discouraged to use your own eggs and move on to donor.  I have no problem with donor.  I think the idea is fabulous and I am so happy it is an option for my friends and maybe some day for me down the road, but I wanted at least one good cycle.  At least one good try before giving up on my own DNA. I would have made me very sad to have lost the race the minute after I stepped out of the gate.  It also made me feel a lot better to know that even if this doesn’t work, we have a protocol that works well for my body.  I didn’t want to be out of options there either. 

We discussed a few issues with DrKAwesome and then decided (due to my age) to transfer….

.

.

(wait for it)

.

.

(can you feel the tension?)

.

.

♥♥♥ 3 ♥♥♥

 

That’s right my wonderful bloggidy friends.  I’ve got 3 lil’ blasty monsters baking away in here.  After the transfer, we went home.  I rested in bed and got more happy warm snuggles.  Later in the evening MrBeep treated me to one of my favorite restaurants.  I had, as a tribute to my day with soo many people being up in my ladybusiness, spaghetti alla puttanesca. “How is the whore’s crotch?” MrBeep would ask me.  “Simply Divine” I would answer and we laughed and laughed. 

So c’mon my little monsters.  I know your journey has been long and hard. 

Snuggle in.

The story of “MrBeep” – **Fert update

A few folks have asked from time to time about how MrBeep got his name.  I wanted to save this story for a special day.  Since my egg retrieval was today at 9:30 am and we got…

18 eggs!!!

**FERTILIZATION REPORT UPDATE
I got an update on the eggs.  We indeed retrieved 18 eggs, of those 14 (WOW!) were mature.  10 fertilized normally with ICSI (we have to do ICSI due to our male factor).  I am scheduled for a egg transfer on Monday at 11:00 am.  We’ll find out if that gets pushed to a 5 day transfer on Monday.**

I think it is due time to warrant a very special story. It all started after I began to read many of my bloggidy friend’s posts.  There were stories of their husband, significant other, special somebody, etc. and many have some really excellent and clever names for their dear heart loves.  Here’s a short list (in no particular order)

The Life of Liv has “Marvy”
mekate has “My darlin’”
MrsGamgee has “Beloved”
Sprogblogger has “The Boy”
Beautiful Mess has “Dirty”
Phoebe has “Magic”
JJ has “Mook”

Now maybe my friends do have counterparts whose actual Christian names are indeed “Dirty” and “Mook” and “Boy” and “Magic”.  Heck “Prince” is his real name.  But my guess was that these are names beautifully invented by highly amusing and intelligent women.  I am a poseur and wanted to have a nifty name for my husband too.  I wracked my feeble brain for a while until I remembered an amusing tidbit that made me think…I’ve got it!  MrBeep!

OK. Let me explain.  Our house has 3 stories (a walk-out basement, main level and 2nd floor).  Sometimes when you are looking for a person, they are sort of hard to find.  You call out, “Hello?” and they say something like “I’m here” and you still can’t quite pinpoint the location/floor due to the foyer causing a bit of an echo.  So one day I called out “Where are you…Beeeeeeep?” when looking for my husband and he replied “BEEP!”  We kept beeping at each other every few seconds like sonar pings until I found him.  Now we just call out in sonar beeping, even when we just want to get the other person’s attention to come into our current room for a smootch.  When I told him I named him MrBeep he absolutely loved it.  He also pointed out his initials are in the name.  Every now and then he’ll look at me and smile and say, “You named me MrBeep” and bust out laughing.

There ends the tale of how he was named MrBeep. 

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On other fronts, I enjoyed a delicious cup of morrocan mint tea with a delightful sesame snack over at Clare’s for the Mad IFers Tea Party.  Here was her kind quote: “let me pour you a glass of Moroccan mint tea to go with that. And here's one for you too, IF Optimist oh and a sweet sesame snack. IF Optimist is very happy to be here drinking tea with us all. Did you know she and her husband just celebrated their 2 year wedding anniversary? Congratulations!”

MrBeep and I wanted to say a big “Thank You!” to all of my bloggidgy friends who wished us well for (as Wiseguy perfectly put it) Anniversary Release date 2.0.  Way to go on the geekspeak Wiseguy!

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I’ll find out more tomorrow on how many of those 18 eggs are mature and fertilized.  I must say that I am very happy with the results so far.  Man, do my ovaries feel achy (but that is another story for another day.)

Anniversary and updates

Yesterday was MrBeep’s and my anniversary.  We’ve been married for two years, but we have been together for over fourteen.  We decided to have the ceremony and “make it official” because we were seriously going for help in making our family.  We had our ceremony in the local state park in a grove covered with trees and surrounded by ferns.  Here is a picture of us after the ceremony, walking from the fern grove to the reception building.  My dress was green and the top had gold and copper embroidery.  It was hand made by a local shop in Bellevue, WA.  We are both so glad we got hitched because we have an official day where we enjoyed a big party with a small group of our favorite friends and family.  We both decided amid the planning that we didn’t want a wedding cake because most wedding cake isn’t very good…and really…when it comes right down to it.  Wouldn’t you rather have pie?  We love pie.  We had a wedding pie. 

A pear and almond tart, it was fun and yummy and topped with Penguins in Love

Last year, I came up with a system for our anniversary.  We both decided was a fun idea.

MrBeep is in charge of odd year anniversary celebrations (1, 3, 5, 7, 9…)
I am in charge of even year anniversary celebrations (2, 4, 6, 8, 10…)

If the anniversary date falls on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday we make a mini-vacation out of it.  If the date falls on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday then we have a little evening of dinner or a movie. Last year MrBeep selected a weekend in Portland, OR. This year I chose to go out to a restaurant in Seattle called Bizzarro.  We shared the best risotto I have ever enjoyed.  It was served with a seared duck breast.  We also had some hand-made pasta with Bolognese.  Dessert was strawberry and balsamic vinegar ice-cream.  Mmmmmmmmm.  We both had a really fun time and we love new eating adventures. I’m very lucky to have such a great best friend and love in MrBeep.  I am a better person for meeting and knowing him he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

Cycle status update:  Sorry for the delay in reporting what is going on with me and eggs and the cycle.  I have been swamped with a new cool film project. I promise to write about that another time.  Tuesday we hadn’t quite made it so we waited another day.  Today I went in to see DocO for an ultrasound and blood work.  Ultrasound finally revealed enough follicles over 19mm to go for trigger.  I have 16 follicles measuring above 10mm on with a half dozen smaller ones around for good measure.  DocO thinks we may get 10 or 11 good sized ones out of the bunch given their current size.  My E2 level was 2585 so we have some going on for sure.  MrBeep mixed my trigger shot while I watched and we took it at 9:30 pm.  We are scheduled for egg retrieval on Friday morning.  WOWZER! 

Spa goodness & pole dancing partytime

Just a quick note to thank everyone for their great comments and sense of humor on my posts. The aspiration was quick and I really felt 100% the next day. It sounds much worse than it is.

My girlfriend Alli was having her bachelorette party on Saturday and we started with the local Korean Spa.  For $35 you can hang out in the rooms and sauna and pools all day long.  I decided to get a scrub and a massage.

It was freaking fabulous. 

Really, it was heaven on a plate.   You should check out the spa tour photos.  What a great and relaxing transition to our crazy party evening that included learning to dance on a stripper pole/lingerie house party.  Everything was going along really well when a “police officer” showed up and broke up the party.  He insisted on arresting our lovely bachelorette.  Somehow whilst the handcuffs were applied all of his clothes fell off.  I got it enjoy the whole thing without the advantage of alcohol goggles. I did make sure be the awesome friend who holds your hair back, assures you everything will be OK and tucks you into bed when you are able to crawl back into the house. 

I got home at 4am on Sunday and rolled very tiredly into bed. I started my protocol and took a micro-dose injection of lupron at 8am in the morning and then stumbled back into bed for several more hours. Tomorrow I start stims. All is going well. I don’t seem to have any adverse reactions (knock wood)…well actually my butt hurts from too many hours of dancing in high heels. ;-)

How was YOUR weekend?

Be careful what you wish

Awhile back, it seems live forever-and-a-day ago, I wrote in a post called, “Are you kidding me?” that I had a cyst on my right ovary and it seemed to be caused (rather than prevented) by the birth control pills I was taking for the start of my IVF #2 protocol. In the post I joked about someone coming over to punch me in the ovary to pop the bastard, but alas…no one came over to try.  So I had to wait it out for the danged thing to disappear on its own.  Next cycle it seemed fine.  Righty had no large follicles. I started birth control pills and again, this time 9 days later, I had a nice juicy cyst on the right ovary. Just big enough to cause problems. After the ultrasound I joked with DocO and said, “OK Doc.  How about you just punch me as hard as you can in the ovary and we’ll see if we can pop it.  Think that will work?”  Honestly he looked a bit surprised, realized I was joking and said back, “Well, there have been no scientific papers published on that method.  We could try to start a study, but I think it would be very difficult to find volunteers.”  We laughed and I agreed to try it their way, all science-y and proven and get the cyst aspirated.

I got my favorite ladydoc for this procedure, DrKAwesome. The cyst aspiration prep is similar to egg retrieval.  You undress, get into a gown, booties, hat.  They put yummy warm blankets on you and get an IV going and shoot you full of some happy drugs that are quite similar to having 2 double-martinis. Did I mention that I’m a happy drunk?  When the proper amount of loopyness sets in, they wheel you into the procedure room.  First you scoot onto the fancy mega stirrup table. Then you get a “WHOA good morning!” wake up call from a cold speculum and a special ultrasound wand with a retractable needle attachment is welcomed into the party.  DrKAwesome used the ultrasound image to line up the cyst and

***WHAM!**** punched me in the ovary

…or at least that is what it felt like.  Unluckily for me, stubborn ole righty shifted and rolled a bit during the punch (it was bobbing and weaving like a champ).  DrKAwesome had to do it a total of 3 times to get that bastard popped.  It felt exactly like getting punched multiple times in the ovary.  Luckily it is only uncomfortable for a brief time, there is a minute amount of bleeding (like a 1/2 tsp) and then you are given yummy crackers and sent home.  Afterwards you get to watch as much TV as you want and fall asleep on the couch and have MrBeep take you out for delicious Pho because it’s your pick for dinner.  Mmmmmmmm spicy beefy noodly soupy goodness.

So, um, yeah…being punched in the ovary?  Don’t ask for that and don’t joke about that, OK?

How to make a fool out of yourself in 1 easy lesson

Step 1:  Publicly declare your frustration and disdain of Ovulation Predictor Test Kits.

Step 2:  Pee on said stick.

Step 3:  Get relatively easy to read and predicted results.

Step 4:  Look like a fool. 

 

Fine.  You only cost a freaking fortune, I guess that’ll teach me a lesson.  Stupid pee stick.  :-p 

A dark journey into my psyche

As the stirrup queen herself says, “Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class.”  I loves me some show and tell goodness.  I look forward to reading everyone’s post each week. After you read my Contribution To Crazy, I recommend you head off to see what the rest of the class is showing.

Today I will show you something very personal.  I know.  Infertility Blogs are chock full of TMI.  We know more about each other’s lady parts, cycles, hopes and fears than is comfortable (once you think about it for more than 20 seconds).  So what’s a little more loss of privacy or dignity, am I right?  I’m going to let you deep inside my mind via…

Yes…you guessed it. 

My refrigerator magnets.  Anyone who knows me really well can tell you my fridge magnets say a lot about my personality and my twisted sense of humor.  I choose my fridge magnets carefully.  Some have been given as gifts, some are found artifacts.  Indiana Jones couldn’t find treasures as good.  You can see any of the photos as a larger version if you click on the image.  Enjoy!

My Fridge Magnet Collection

 

On the real TMI front, I am still taking BCPs for the start of IVF #2 - The Micro-dose Lupron Flare Protocol.  I have 10 more days of pills to go before I do anything that seems even remotely productive.  How f*cked up am I to be looking forward to starting injections?  I think it seems a lot more like I am working towards the goal.  Some semblance of control in an uncontrollable mess, right?  Ah well, c’est la vie de l’infertilité.

Honestly, I don’t deserve you all

Just to follow up on my TMI post…I slept better last night than I have in a month.  <sigh>  Love me that MrBeep.

I was nominated over a week ago by the totally awesome Clare at
The Pitter-Patter for the Honest Scrap award.  I kept it in my virtual pocket for a future time where my brain was too scrambled to think of a topic.  Now here I am.  Brain very happy, but extra scramble-y.

So wow.  A blogidy award.  When I started writing about this journey, I wasn’t sure anyone would ever read it, much less be kind enough to comment.  A wonderful thing has happened, I have found a community of extraordinary people with whom I share a common goal - to have a family.  It’s a shame that any of us have to go to such extreme measures to achieve what comes easily to others.  But so many of you do so with humor, grace and good spirit, I learn so much from reading about your days, both good and bad.  It helps me more than I can express.  Thank you.

On to the Honest Scrap.  Here are the rules, once nominated, you get to put the totally cool emblem on your blog (see totally cool picture above – SWEET!).  The first thing I must do for the award is list 10 honest things about myself.  <<insert sound of drumroll>>

10 Honest and very uniquely random things about IF Optimist:

1.  I love to cook.  It is one of my favorite hobbies.  I love everything about it.  The smell of spices toasting in oil, the rhythmic sound of knife tapping on cutting board, eyeing the pan for the perfect shade of amber to indicate doneness, the feel of dough pressing through my hands, toughening little by little until the magic of gluten is revealed by its resilience, and finally the little tastes of the food as it is coming together and finally complete.  Does it need more salt or oil or spice?  Is the vinegar too strong?  Will a dash of sugar create the perfect balance?  What the hell is Umami anyway? :-)

2.  I love to shop at farmers markets and little ethnic supermarkets to find awesome and authentic ingredients.  I am always on the look for the best tea or spices or meat or veggies.  The best and freshest ingredients make a superior meal.  I have 1-2 dinner parties per week where I feed between 6-10 people.  I’m telling ya.  I do this a lot.  I write about food on my other blog. I keep it out of this one, lest it overwhelm.

3.  I am sometimes scared about being “an old mother” but then I remember how naturally silly I am, how I love to get involved, play along and be happy.  I know I have more patience than when I was young. I hope that will make up for my creaky bones.

4.  I grew up in a gang-infested shithole neighborhood in LA when I was a tween-teen. My apartment neighbor sold drugs, including heroin. Sometimes my mom worked the night shift, so I had to be alone in the apartment.  When I heard yelling and arguments next door, I would hide in the bathtub.  Same when the police helicopter went over our neighborhood warning everyone to stay inside. Gunshots from the area often woke me at night.  I fucking hated that place.  I vowed to live somewhere else when I grew up.

5.  When I was 18, my boyfriend graduated college and I moved the hell out of LA and up to beautiful San Francisco.  San Francisco (quick tip: never call it “Frisco” or the natives will hate your guts) is a beautiful place and everyone should visit once in their life.  If it’s summer, bring a sweater. The fog is cold and wet and comes every night!  If you plan to go there send me an email.  ROAD TRIP!

6.  I am currently sitting outside in my garden.  The dragonflies are swirling around, I can smell lavender, the sun is on my hair and a gentle breeze is at my back. My little chipmunk friend is sniffing around about 20 feet from me, stealing my garden strawberries and stuffing his cheeks.  This makes me extremely happy.  I wish I had a bigger garden.

7.  My favorite ice cream is 31 Flavors mint-chip, it has been since I was a little kid.  Loves me that bizarrely waxy chocolate.

8. I was laid off over a year ago (I volunteered to be selected instead of the guy who had a wife and kid to support).  MrBeep and I decided it would be good if I didn’t work during this time.  It allowed me to relax and recover while I went through the 2 uterine surgeries, recovery, IUIs and and now IVFs.  I am grateful I have been able to relax and take it easy during this time, but it is hard for a professional woman to set aside that part of her identity.  I have tried to compensate by working on digital video and web design stuff.  I have filmed, edited and produced two seasons of a local TV show.  Designed and coded two web sites, and shot one short film during my time off.  Not too shabby, but sometimes I still feel like a total slacker.  I still have a ton of video editing to do in my work queue.

9.  I would love to do a documentary about “TTC the hard way”.  IUIs, IVFs, acupuncture, PCOS, loss, adoption.  I completed the documentary program at University of Washington, so I know the pre-production work necessary to do this type of thing the right way.  It is so complex and so utterly personal a subject, yet these stories would help so many others.  I am thinking through if it is possible to accomplish this. 

10.  I want so very much to have all the blogs I follow go from infertility to pregnancy to mommy-blogs.  It is a secret wish of mine to have the same thing for myself.  I can be hopeful, I can be optimistic, but I am also scared that this is just a dream.  I think I will feel so much better, so much more in control when the next IVF cycle starts.

Now I must then choose 7 blogs I find brilliant in content or design, name them on this post, then place a comment on the recipient’s blog informing them of their nomination.  Easy enough?  Well…there are a ton that I would nominate, but most of the blogs I follow have already won the award.  I was happy to open this up to more blogs that are really awesome, I have on my reading list, and who have not posted the Honest Scrap award (as far as I was able to search). 

Here are the blogs I award with Honest Scrap. I chose these blogs because of their honest and courageous posts.  You awesome ladies shouldn’t feel obligated to play in this “pass it game” but I want you to know how much I have appreciated your words and thoughts.  Thank you.

I can’t whistle
Danana Wants a Baby 
FET Accompli
Babyquest
The Sassy Infertile Lady
Hobbit-ish Thoughts and Ramblings
Impatiently waiting

Taxicab confessions…aka TMI

This may hit somewhere in the realm of TMI -- you have been warned.

This crappy IVF stuff with all of its protocols, shots, side-effects, pills, who-ha invading, and tenderness of normally very happy places has definitely put a damper on my love life…but I am now fully recovered and I’m…um…really…how you say in English?

Anxious.  Edgy.   Revving my engines for full throttle.  Up, up and AWAY!!!

I have managed to make matters worse.  You see it started innocently enough.  I needed to get some chores done, so I went looking for an audio book on audible.com.  First, I eyed some Chick Lit options but eventually my meandering slid into an area I have never before stumbled.  Erotica. 

“Hmmmmmm” I thought, “this could be very interesting.”  I read some reviews of different choices and finally chose this book called “Broken”.  This. Book. Is. Totally. Smutty.  It is not “romance” don’t let the publisher fool you, and erotica is a bit tame for the category.  I think it is raunchy and trashy and very much more like p0rN.  As they say, the mind is the most powerful sex organ.  I am loving it. Talk about revving your engines. 

To top things off, I made an appointment at the spa.  3:15 with the waxing woman.  We’re talking a trip to South America ladies. Someone turn on the bow-chica-wow-wow music. Oh, yeah.

MrBeep will not know what hit him when we arrives home. :-) <<insert giddy laughter>>

Fabulous Fotography Friday

I wanted to first take a moment to thank everyone who has visited and given me so many kind words and positive thoughts in comments over the last couple of months.  I even got a couple of new followers too.  Wowzer.  I’ll have to admit, having Lollipop Goldstein say I had a good post is like an amateur painter getting a thumbs up from Georgia O’Keefe.  After I read it, I was all red faced and thinking, “Shucks, Ma’am.  Twernt nuthin’ but some words what came outta my head.” Especially since I have been reading her awesome book this week (I’m on Chapter 4) while I’ve been sitting at the waterfront park.

Now let’s get to that Fotography, eh Photography.  As I mentioned in my prior post “Guess my number, win a prize” I was going to grab the ole Nikon and spend some of my less than 2 week wait taking and editing pictures.  I want folks to be able to use them for their computer desktop images or screensavers or whatever suits them.  So without further eloquence, I give you my first prize for guessing the correct number (click on the photo for full size).  To save this photo for your very own, just click on the picture.  A new window will open and show you the larger (higher-resolution) version, then right-click on the big image and choose “Save Picture As…” in Internet Explorer (“Save Image As…” in Firefox).

Earlier this week, I headed out into my back yard to sit in the sun and read. I noticed the bees were going crazy in my boysenberry bush.  It has hundreds of blossoms right now and there were dozens of busy bees, gathering nectar and helping pollinate my boysenberries. (Thanks ladies!)  There were at least 3 or 4 different types of honey and northwest native wild bees going at it with abandon.  I remembered my promised photo prize and was really excited.  I hopped inside and grabbed my Nikon.  I replaced my standard lens with a special macro lens that allows really REALLY good close-ups.  I sat on a chair, picked a blossom, twisted myself into a macro-photography/yoga position, set my exposure, f-stop and focused “the zone”.  Then I waited.  Those bees move really fast, but after about 20 shots, I went inside and browsed through my pics.  This one had the best angle for my little native bee.  She is is fuzzier than a honey bee and a tad bigger.  I think she’s gorgeous. 

I did a smidge of color sweetening/correction on the photograph, but it is otherwise untouched.  Her wings are really that iridescent, her little bottom a brighter shade of yellow.  The macro lens and a small f-stop creates a very small depth of field (that fuzzy background) and that Nikon macro lens has excellent bokeh.  I’m so excited. I’m off with my camera today to spend more of my 2WW.

Showin’ and tellin’ ‘bout my little monsters

As promised, I’m writing about my wonderful day last Wednedsay.  I wanted to take some extra time to write in detail how my day went, any science-y or technical stuff and finally how I felt when it was all done.  I started off the day with my morning snuggle with MrBeep.  Then I enjoyed my morning google reader/blog fix, commented on a few posts, then wrote a transfer day checklist. Then it was off for a bath and getting ready.  I wore my fabulous flowery brown and pink pants, a pink shirt, my Gramma’s locket, my wedding ring, engagement ring and finally my tangerine dream earrings from The Awesome JJ.  Fully loaded with as much positive juju as possible, I stepped out the door and wizzed off to pick up Looooo. 

She and I headed out to PCC Natural Market, picked up a light lunch from the deli area, then we headed out to a waterfront park to enjoy lunch and relax.

I gobbled a yummy veggie wrap, a cup of soup and finished with an awesome peanut butter chocolate chunk cookie.  Looooo gave me a piece of her vegan gingerbread cookie and WOWZER it was even better than mine.  I relaxed and munched away, she told me about her crazy week doggy sitting 3 Jack Russell terriers for a friend.  Mayhem and adventure was a major theme.  It was great.  No talk about what was going down in a few hours, no infertility drama, etc.  It was so calming.  I needed it.

I kicked off my sandals and let my toes wriggle in the cool grass.  The sun warmed my face, the wind cooled my skin.  A glorious day. The high was 85 degrees, it was the warmest day of the year so far.  Closing my eyes, I decided I wouldn’t allow my mind to obsess or think in circles.  Calm mind, warm heart.  Breathe.  It took a lot of years to arrive at this day.  Just IN.  And OUT.

After my toes were cool, my hunger sated, and my skin warm, Looooo drove me to the RE clinic and gave me a hug.  I decided to try the pre and post transfer acupuncture, I really appreciate the advice from folks here on my blog and on the forums at Resolve.org.  I met with a really nice acupuncture professional who asked if my bladder was full.  It was QUITE FULL actually, and I was in a bit of discomfort.  She said it was OK to use the bathroom.  Despite all of my water guzzling during lunch, I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to get back up to my full potential within an hour, so I just went to the point where I was no longer in pain, but not empty either.  Yes, I stopped mid-stream…I discovered my totally lame Heroes power. 

She brought me into a procedure room and I lay flat on a cushioned exam table.  She asked if I had any questions or concerns (I couldn’t think of any) so we began.  She placed needles in my wrists, belly, knees, feet, ears, and on the top of my head.  She put an herbal eyemask on my face, turned on some lilting, ethereal music and dimmed the lights.  She told me to just relax and breathe and then left me to be at peace.  I settled my mind and stayed in the moment, just breathing deeply, letting all of my muscles relax.  I steadied my nerves, my breathing and (hopefully) my blood pressure.  After the procedure was over, MrBeep came into the room and gave me a kiss.  The acupuncturist gently removed the needles, helped me up from the table and walked us both back to the patient recovery room near the procedure/IVF transfer room.

Prep and Embryo Selection

I was given a warm gown, booties and a very fashionable hair cap (well…OK.  not really very fashionable at all) and asked to change into them.  MrBeep was given scrubs, booties and a cap too.  He was very cute in his blue scrubs!  I wanted to take a photo, but I forgot the chip in my camera (don’t you hate that?)  Grrrrrrrr.  After a few minutes, an RE nurse came in and checked my name and birth date. 

“And what procedure are you here for today?” she asked. 
“My Day 3 Embryo transfer” I replied, smiling. I like that they check to make sure every little thing, even the stuff that would seem obvious, ‘cause you never know.
“Excellent.  DrL will be right with you to go over the procedure and tell you about your embryos.”

I was very nervous.  I knew we had enough to be there, but had no idea of the quantity or quality.  DrL stopped by a few minutes later, smiling.  He shook hands with my husband and they did a little required guy talk “So what line of work are you in?” asked DrL.  “Biotechnology” replied MrBeep.  Then they discussed the use of DNA microarrays for pre and post-natal genetic screening (this is one division of MrBeep’s company, others include cancer screening, and biowarfare agent detection).  DrL warmed up to MrBeep right away.  He has that effect on people.  Then we got down to talking about the embryos.  DrL told us there was good news. We had 3 or 4 embryos available to transfer.  He explained that there was no way to tell by sight which one was most likely to implant (if any at all).  He said it was up to us whether to do 3 or 4.  We discussed a few different options and got his advice.  Finally, due to my age (40), our MF and the quality of the embryos, we decided to transfer all 4.  All were at least 8 cells.  #1 looked great, 2 and 3 looked good and 4 was looking a tad fragmented, but not out of the running.  We decided to give the li’l guy/gal a chance and included #4 too.  DrL said we made a great decision and told me to sit tight for another few minutes while the embryologist got the embies ready.

The Procedure

When everything was ready, MrBeep and I were escorted across the hall to the procedure room.  Did I mention how cute he was in his blue scrubs?  I got on the table, the nurse helped me into the industrial strength procedure stirrups (your legs are fully supported and your knees are held apart by these cushioned pads), and set a pillow behind my head.  MrBeep was seated in a chair next to me, and had a good view of the procedure monitor.  I was so glad he was near by.  I could squeeze his hand and get a smile if I were nervous. 

The embryologist (DrW) introduced himself and let us know that we should watch the wall monitor (TV) above our heads.  He said he was going to show us our embryos.  I was very interested in seeing this, I looked at MrBeep who gave me a smile.  DrW called out from the embryology lab and asked if we could see anything yet on the screen. 

What appeared were letters.  You see, the petri dish (via some fancy microscope/TV hookup) was shown on the monitor.  We could see that my name (DrW took us through each letter of my last, then first name) PLUS my birthdate were written on the petri dish itself. Then he zoomed in on the letter “R” and there were 4 tiny little embryos, all ready and waiting to be picked up by mommy and daddy.  I LOVED THIS.  No matter what my outcome for this cycle, I was able to see them on that day.  For that I am truly thankful. It made the whole experience so much more REAL, you know?  This was something that we could see with our own two eyes, not just drugs and injections and lab results on a spreadsheet, but real beings.  Our own 4 little monsters (see video).  He asked if everything looked right, we told him it all seemed great. 

Next DrL came in, washed up, set up the speculum and clamp (that one pinched like a muther this time).  He called to DrW we were ready to go.  The RE nurse squeezed some goo on my belly for the ultrasound image.  I was given an “atta girl” for my nicely full bladder.  The TV was switched from the  lab/microscope to the ultrasound monitor channel so we could watch the whole thing.  DrW came in with the embryo tube and gave them to DrL who got them into the transfer catheter.  He described what he was doing and said stuff like “see that little dot on the monitor that I am moving”  MrBeep said, “Yeah, I see it” and was watching intently.  I squeezed his hand.  I watched the TV and tried to see what DrL was describing, but flat on my back isn’t the best viewing angle and I couldn’t figure out a danged thing.  After a moment he said they all seemed to go in without a hitch and that we needed to stay still while DrW took the catheter back to the embryology lab to make sure that it was truly empty.

So I lay there, with all this pinchy stuff still up in mah bizzness, trying not to piddle on the floor at any moment.  After about a minute of awkward silence, I asked DrL about his profile on the clinic’s website.  It said that he is both a writer of non-fiction (over 125 scientific papers on infertility, this book) and fiction.  Now the RE books were expected, but fiction?  MrBeep said, “Really, you write fiction too?”  DrL grinned and thanked me for reading his profile and told us a little about the teen fiction he was currently writing.  The protagonist is a skateboarding girl, he wanted her to be a strong-willed and independent character, etc.  We all then relaxed and chatted about a few of our favorite fiction books.  What. A. Cool. Dude.

Finally DrW called out that no embies were left in the catheter and all seemed fine.  All equipment was removed from me (sweet Jebus I was sooooo done with that pinchy stuff).  We hung out in the procedure room for another 10 minutes or so, discussing books and military history and local museums.  MrBeep and DrL were standing next to me chatting (I thought they should totally go on a play date together) while I lay flat on the table.  Finally I was asked to scoot over to a rolling bed and taken back to my curtained patient recovery room.  I was told to remain laying still for another 30 minutes while I had my post-transfer acupuncture, which was similar to the first minus a few needles and locations.  After the half hour, I was assisted in sitting up and was allowed to FINALLY go to the bathroom.  “No pressure” said MrBeep “just relax and go with the flow.”  I did my best not to do the pee pee dance down the hall to the bathroom.  I returned to the room and changed into my normal clothes. 

The RE nurse stopped by and gave us a picture of the four embies now tucked away safe inside.  She went over my instructions and we were released to go home. As I was leaving, I saw DocO in the hallway and he let me give him a hug.  He told us that we had really great attitudes about this whole thing, which was so important for our mental well being.  Down the hallway, we saw DrL in his office.  MrBeep had a few  questions about the embryos in the picture.  I told MrBeep that he would have to come up with nicknames.  He pointed to one on the picture and said, “Look it has your smile” everyone laughed and wished us well.  I scheduled my blood test and yowzee the time flies.  The test will be this Sunday morning (6/14). 

Hey, it’s called SHOW and tell

So that’s my incredibly long-winded story.  It was very heavy on the TELL of show and tell, but thanks for making it through.  Here is the SHOW.

OK my little monsters.  Get your rock-paper-scissors battle going.  I want some of you to win a chance to stay with mommy.  Pretty please?  I’ll bake cookies.

Now go check out what the rest of the class is showing this week.  It is always great to find out what all of the other wonderful folks have been up to.
Thanks to Mel for changing the day and the opportunity to share!

Guess my number, win a prize

Did you guess yet?  Have you figured it out?  No cheating.  Give up?

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♥♥♥♥ 4 ♥♥♥♥

Yes!  We had a successful transfer of four embryos yesterday at the RE’s office.  Just as a reminder, after my LH surge problem, I had to take my HCG shot early.  Out of 18 follies, we got 10 eggs (I was bummed).  The good news on Day 1 was 6 were mature and all 6 fertilized using ICSI (Yay!).  On Day 3 we discussed with DrL whether to transfer 3 or 4.  Due to my age (40), our MF and the quality of the embryos, we decided to transfer all 4.  All were at least 8 cells.  One looked great, two and three looked good and 4 was looking a tad fragmented, but not out of the running.  We decided to give the li’l guy a chance and included him too.  The transfer went off without a hitch.  I will write in a future entry of the whole day to document the process and my perspective.

So what prize did you win?  First of all, my gratitude for stopping by.  It means so much to me.  Not enough? If you email me “ifoptimist-at-gmail-dot-com” I will grab my Nikon and take a photo from somewhere beautiful or something special.  Then I’ll email it to you for a desktop or screensaver picture (if you know the dimensions of your computer desktop I can customize it to fit perfectly).  I’ll include the GPS coordinates and a little information about the photo.  I thought this would be a good way to pass some of my time during the dreaded two week wait.  I love photography.

I’m so excited.  I know that I’m not out of the woods and the odds are still a bit against us but this is just another step in our journey to having a family.  I’m not Pollyanna.  I know the possible let downs, but I have decided to be upbeat and stay optimistic.  If things don’t work, there will be plenty of time and tears to spend on the necessary sorrow and grief. 

Today, I choose to celebrate.  The potential is there.  It’s ginormous.  I feel lucky to have gotten this far.  I see this whole thing as walking a path.  I take one step after another.  Sometimes I traverse a great distance in a day’s journey and other times I can only seem to walk a few feet.  Yesterday, I feel I walked 40 miles.

Embryo transfer checklist

1.  Take morning meds. Get shot in a$$.  <Check>

2.  Schedule a pre and post transfer acupuncture appointment.  (After researching it all day yesterday I decided having the extra time at the clinic to relax could have a positive benefit.) <Check>

3.  Received a wonderful email from my RE office friend who will be thinking and praying for me.  I love and respect positive energy in all forms. <Check>

4.  Drink glass of water for full bladder. <Check>

5.  Pick up my girl Loooo in 10 minutes.  Go  get lunch and sit under a big tree on the waterfront.  Today, I’m all about seeing the beauty of this earth, the quiet relaxation in the shade, and a friend to keep me company and prevent my mind from doing back flips. <Check>

6.  Triple-check my phone, voicemail, email and RE patient website to make sure that we are still on and no hiccups have so far occurred. <Check>

7.  Visit my favorite blogs that have been updated while I snoozed.  Leave comments as needed. <Check>

8.  Drink glass of water for full bladder. <Check>

9.  Do a silly dance this morning with MrBeep.  He selected today’s music “Pick up the Pieces” by Average White Band.  Yes.  AWB.  A funk band from Scotland.  Get down, get funky laddie. <Check>

10.  Write in my bloggidy blog.  Writing has really helped me stay a tiny bit more sane.  Thanks to everyone who have been kind enough to visit and give me such awesome words of encouragement. You ladies are the best.  <Check>

It’s on like Donkey Kong.

Tagged with a purpose

OK. I was going to write a Techie Tuesday article, but with my impending embryo transfer scheduled tomorrow, my brain is too mushy to make it.  So instead I will finally do my 8 Things MEM.  I was tagged by JJ and maybe someone else?  MUSHY BRAIN!  I’ll feel a lot better when I get my call tomorrow morning to find out if the embies are doing OK and we are go for transfer.  So in the meantime, 8 things…I think it may help pass a little time before nighty night. 

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:

1. Tomorrow’s egg transfer (we’re in the big leagues now Ma!)
2. A trip to SoCal to see my family.
3. Playing D&D with my peeps this weekend.  I TOLD YOU I AM A DORK!
4. Bar-B-Que season.
5. Getting pregnant, staying pregnant, having a baby, being a family (I bundled this into 1 item like a total regular fertile person.  Take dat BEOTCHES!).
6. No more PIO shots in the a$$.
7. Series night with friends.
8. Finishing my video editing projects of 3 weddings, my honeymoon and my grandparents talking about photos from the family album.

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Prayed and meditated in the forest for a friend doing her first IUI.
2. Started my last episode of video editing a local quiz show.
3. Made and enjoyed a de-freaking-licious banana cinnamon smoothie per Clare’s instructions.
4. Went for a stroll in the moonlight with MrBeep.
5. Lost 3 lbs due to egg retrieval bloating finally going away (in one day! Peed like a racehorse the next morning.  I know…TMI).
6. Cleaned the house.
7. Worked in my garden, I have sooooo many strawberries growing.  Yay!
8. Danced in a very silly manner with MrBeep to send positive energy out to our embies cooking away down the road at the RE’s lab.

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Not procrastinate so much
2. Play the piano
3. Be a good artist/painter
4. Visit Paris, see lots of art museums
5. Make my mom all better (she has renal failure and must be on dialysis)
6. Get a magic fertility wand. I would use it on all of my bloggidy friends (cost: 125,000 gp)
7. Ski really, really well.
8. Eat less, exercise more.

8 Shows I (currently) Watch:

1. The Venture Brothers
2. Family Guy
3. Rome (on DVD)
4. Frontline
5. Nova
6. Nature
7. Modern Marvels
8. All creatures great and small (Netflix watch instantly)

8 Favorite Fruits:

1. Pears
2. Boysenberries
3. Apples
4. Pink Grapefruits
5. Strawberries
6. Peaches
7. Pineapples
8. Tomatoes (HEY!  It’s a fruit, not a vegetable!)

8 Places I'd Like to Travel:

1. New Zealand
2. Japan
3. Scotland
4. France
5. Norway
6. Grand Tetons
7. New England (during fall)
8. Patagonia

8 Places I've Lived

<<skipping this one>>

8 People I've tagged: 

I think that everyone who can be tagged has already got this one, but if you want to do it, then put a link in the comment section pointing to your blog. 

I got 6

I finally got the call from the RE’s office at like 3pm.  I didn’t get a damned thing done all day because I was preoccupied and worried. 

The nurse reminded me that 10 eggs were retrieved, that 6 were mature and ALL 6 FERTILIZED!  Woot!

I know that 6 isn’t incredible, but after finding out how many follicles had no eggs, I was terrified they would only find 2 mature and have none that fertilized or some other really difficult news along those lines.  The nurse gave me the rest of my instructions for the day and when to show up for day 3 transfer (Wednesday at 2:30 p.m.).  They would call me at 10:30 a.m. that same day and let me know if there were any problems or if things were looking like a day 5 transfer.  She also asked me if I wanted to do acupuncture before and after the transfer.  I really don’t know whether I should try the acupuncture.  Any opinions? 

I called MrBeep at work and gave him the good news 6 outta 6.  He was very happy and said, “See, you didn’t need to get so upset, it’s working along.  These are good numbers.”  I agreed, but told him the why I had some of my worries and he understood.  He did keep me down to earth and reminded me that it still may not work out, but that we continuing to work on our goal and that we’ll try again if necessary.  I love that MrBeep.

I wish our eggies (now embies) are cooking happily away a few miles from home.  We’ll be back to pick you up soon.  Oh, and JJ -  I wore my tangerine dream earrings, but didn’t get a picture.  I also wore my heart shaped locket my Gramma gave me on my wedding day.  It has a picture of her and Grampa.  He gave it to her when they were dating, over 60 years ago. I’ll wear them both again on Wednesday.

So I today I am very happy with the number 6.  As a tribute, I give you this little tidbit:

The Eggs and I

First a quick update:

I got my blood work results and my E2 number has continued to go up.  I went from 2251 (yesterday) to 3361 (today).  I’m thinking there has got to be a reasonable number of mature eggs given those levels.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed and feeling better, coming back to a place of hope.  Thanks everyone so very much for your comments and encouragement.  You guys have managed to help me breathe easy again.

I went to the Family Picture Show 2009 at The Seattle International Film Festival (SIFF) this morning with a girlfriend.  The place was packed with parents and their kids, all looking forward to unique independent short films that are both clever and family friendly.  The kids were asking their parents questions about the shorts in between films.  A man next to me had his son and they would have a quick discussion about what the son enjoyed and how he rated the film.  There were tons of laughs and clapping and hoorays in all the right places.  It is exactly what I am looking forward to some day if having a family works out for us. 

I sat there a little excited and a little weepy when the lights went out.  At one point I realized that I brought my eggies to the show.  If I’m really lucky maybe one of them will join me again in a few years to sit in his/her own chair, eat popcorn, laugh and clap and then tell me their rating from 1-5 for the SIFF awards voter card.  What a joy that would be.  I’m glad my girlfriend really loved the show too, she’s super fun.  Luv ya Linds!

You can watch one of great the shorts in the festival called “Madam President” here: http://www.petelist.com/animation/MP/#

My absolute favorite was the brand new Wallace & Gromit – A matter of loaf and death.  You can’t watch that one online, but the DVD is available.

Here’s my 2nd favorite short from the show.  It’s so clever. I hope you like it as much as the eggs and I did.

How do you count Day 1?

I’ve been having some trouble trying to figure out what exactly constitutes Day 1.  Is it “a little bit”?  Must it be “a lot”?  What the hell am I talking about?

Her. AF. Aunt Flo.  Or as my protocol sheet calls it “Menses Begins” (actually, that sounds a lot like a name for a bad network TV series where you find out the main character’s last name is Menses and they are just starting college or a new job or something truly lame like that).

Today started out extremely light and never picked up to any “normal” Day 1.  I called the RE office for advice.  They asked me if it was typical and I said, “No, but I have no idea what is ‘normal’ anymore.”  You see, my huge fibroid used to make Day 1 into a B-movie/horror flick.  Actually…it wasn’t funny.  For the last few months before surgery, I couldn’t really leave my house on Day 1.  I’d cancel anything that required my being away on that day.  Day 2 was risky too.  Boy am I glad that’s over.  Whew.

So yeah, I had no idea if I should call it Day 1 so the RE’s office set up an appointment tomorrow morning for a baseline.  They’ll let me know what day to call it.  Science makes it so much easier.  For those who haven’t done IVF or IUI, your appointments and medicines are all timed to the start of your menstrual cycle.  So Day 1 is where they start to count from.  Days 2-5 you may be taking drug X, on Day 7-9 you may need to take pill Y, etc.  So defining Day 1 is important.  I wish my clinic would provide a clearer description of their definition as it is not the same as what I would call it (the first day you see any blood whatsoever).  Their instruction sheets says: “Cycle day 1 is the first day of full menstrual bleeding by bedtime”.  Fine.  I’m not sure how I am predict to call for a Day 2 appointment by 4pm on Day 1 when I haven’t gotten to my Day 1 results “by bedtime”.  Perhaps I need a time machine or a futurescope. Argh. Mumph. Feh.

I’m sure it’s just me.  Now that I am fixed up and my uterus has shrunk down to normal human levels (for the first time in about 5 years) I am at a loss and feel like a stupid dork when the nurse asks me (very, very nicely) a simple question like, “So today is Day 1 of your cycle then?”

Ehhhhhhh.  I guess so?