2010 A New Year of Possibility

Wow.  2010.  Here I am in the year 2010.  The 2000s were years of great change in my life.  In the last decade I have moved to a new state, married my true love and best friend, shifted my career, found and bought my first home, made many new and wonderful friends.

In my mind I stand now on the road of my life with a marker reading Friday, January 1, 2010. 

It is so strange to be mentally at this place.  It is not a crossroad.  There is only one path I see before me.  Turning around is never an option.  Yet lifting my head to take the first step is daunting and proving harder than I had anticipated.  My mind swirls with possibilities of the future both good and bad.  Joyous and devastating.

I am not always an optimist.  Doubt and worry and fear creep over me.  It is the reason why I chose to write as IF Optimist, then…  I wanted a reason to focus on why my life is good, why I need to choose a place of hope in my heart.  I wanted a reason to believe in the power to keep my mind unclouded with negative things.  I hoped that power would allow me to see what is truly before me, clearly, so I can make the best decision, do the right thing, choose the best path to follow.

I suspect this will be the decade I say goodbye to my wonderful grandparents, now at 88 and 85. I know that they worry and pray for me, I will finally tell them my news in a few weeks after my next ultrasound.  I hope they will get to meet my children some day.  My children?

Will this be the the decade, I will finally go from living as part of a happy couple to a happy family?  Will I get to go from having “monsters” to babies (who will hopefully grow up to earn their name as monster)?  Will I get to the other side of this year with two babies or one or none?  Will there be cause for celebration or sorrow?  Will I be sitting on the floor in a three years, spaghettios in my hair, cleaning crayon off the wall, wondering where my professional career went and why won’t these two just take a freaking nap?  Will I walk into their room 20 minutes later, watch them dozing lazy and warm, and suddenly remember just how lucky I truly am?  Will I get to watch MrBeep grow from a hesitant first time father to a warm and loving daddy?

In my mind I stand now on the road of my life with a marker reading Friday, January 1, 2010…

…taking a deep breath, calming my mind, with sunshine in my heart and a smile brightening my cheeks, I step forward onto the path.

14 weeks – Christmas Meme

Several of you lovely folks out there have posted the Christmas Meme and I have loved it.  I thought I would use it for today.  I hope you are having a good day with those you love the most, because really that’s all that ever matters.  The sun is shining through my window, the color is so radiant and golden and warm.  Today I am at 14 weeks -- 2nd Trimester. I love you my monsters.

1. Eggnog or Hot Chocolate?
OK, hot chocolate is for sureseys absolutely wonderful…BUT…during the holidays, I wants me some eggnog.  I can get hot chocolate any time, I can make a fabulous hot chocolate, but there is no way my lazy ass is going to make eggnog.  When the season comes around, I buy my favorite brand too.  Organic Valley.  Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  I always require a dash of fresh nutmeg grind and except for this year (being up the duff and all) I alternate between bourbon and dark rum for a little warm boozy goodness.

2. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
I like wrapping paper because there’s a little more suspense and no peeking!  I don’t like the waste of paper and would some day like to figure out a way to make wrapping from pre-sewn cloth squares and velcro strips/drawstrings.

3. Real tree or artificial?
I love real trees, but MrBeep doesn’t.  He makes a good point by how much mess they make when the needles fall all over the place and they are a fire hazard.  I did splurge and get a decent artificial tree when it was on 75% off mega sale last year.  It’s pretty and very convenient and I can leave it up until after New Years which is nice…but I’d still rather have a real tree.

4. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
I like colored lights, but was on bed rest during decorating season, so we have no lights outside this year. :-(

5. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
I have these little red glass hearts in matte and shiny, with copper colored beads that wrap around and a copper shiny skirt.  I have these pinecone clusters arranged in various places on the tree and the rest is decorated with all different kinds of ornaments.  We have dragons and penguins playing hockey, a panda bear taking a ride on a zeppelin, a skiing frog, the grinch, Seattle space needle bulbs, a pharaoh’s head and we always get a couple of bags of lindor chocolates that have the shiny wrapping, we put those on the tree like ornaments too.

6. Do you hang mistletoe?
No, but now that you mention it, that would be cool.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
No.

8. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Ehhhhhh…I always mean to do it and then life gets in the way.  I do manage a few New Years cards.

9. What is your favorite holiday dish?
All.  Bring it on, I’m not picky.

10. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
I always liked going out to pick out the Christmas tree.  We generally didn’t have one or decorate the house when I was a kid because we always went somewhere else on Christmas Eve and Day, but every now and then we got a tree and when we did, I was pretty happy.

11. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
We had put out milk and cookies for Santa one year when I was 7 or so.  I wrote Santa a letter thanking him for coming to the house and telling him that I hope he liked the cookies I baked.  The next day, Santa wrote on the back of the note thanking me for the cookies and that they were delicious…it was in my Dad’s handwriting. 

12. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
No, but I have no problem if someone wanted to.  We are generally at home alone relaxing on Christmas Eve.

13. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Are you kidding?!?  I love snow.  I’m from LA and never had a “White Christmas” growing up.  Now that I live in Seattle, the possibility is there, but we never get enough to be terribly inconvenient.

14. Have you ever recycled a gift?
Rarely.  I’m fairly allergic to things like scented candles, lotions with perfume and the like.  A few times when I have received a very nice quality gift like that I have added it in with the gift I’ve already purchased as a bonus.  Why let it go to waste?  Most people aren’t sensitive to it like I am.

15. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Just being with family and friends.  Having a time of year when everyone takes a few extra moments to wish you cheer and joy in your heart.  I like that.

16. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Apple pie or Pear Tart with Cinnamon ice cream.  I made an eggnog bread pudding last year that was really fabulous.  I’m not a huge chocolate dessert fan.

17. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Cooking dinner for my loved ones and then sitting around the table to enjoy it together.  Love that.

18. What tops your tree?
A shiny silver ornament that looks like a miniature spiral galaxy.

19. Favorite Christmas Show?
Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas, with Boris Karloff narrating and singing.  MrBeep sometimes calls me Cindy Lou Whoo.

20. Saddest Christmas Song?
Grandma got run over by a reindeer, it’s so sad what happend to that old lady.  Brings a tear to my eye every time.

21. What is your favorite Christmas Holiday Song?
Hard to pick.  I like “A Christmas Song” sung by Nat King Cole, “White Christmas” sung by Bing Crosby, “Silver and Gold” sung by Burl Ives and of course “Christmas Is” sung by Lou Rawls

An early Christmas gift

I received an early Christmas gift today, no not a Red Ryder BB Gun.

Last week I posted “Houston, we have nasal bones” with details on my NT ultrasound and first trimester screening test. The genetic counselor from my maternal-fetal medical specialist gave me a call.  The results are in!  We received good news that the results are normal and show a decreased chance of trisomy 13/18/21.

I understand that these are screening tests and not diagnostic tests, but they do allow me to breathe easier for the next month or so before we will get amnio test and results.   

Here’s what we’ve got.  The genetic counselor started with Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome).  Given my age, the normal statistics for a child with Down syndrome is 1 in 62, or a 1.61% chance.  After the screening results, that number is now 1 in 627 for Baby A (.15%) and 1 in 660 for Baby B (.15%).  Going from roughly a one-and-a-half-percent chance to one-tenth-of-a-percent chance is very heartening indeed.  I was pretty happy about that.

For trisomy 13 and trisomy 18 she said the normal listed risk at my age was 1 in 109 or .9% to 1 in 2161 (.04%) for both Baby A and B.  Again this is very good news. 

I feel right now like one of my very favorite Christmas songs…

I am merry, my heart is light.  Big hugs and much love –- Traci.

I am NOT a Drama Queen

Well, I am officially off of bed rest for now and I’ve made it to 13 weeks and that is another reason to say “so far, so good.”  Thank you all for your well wishes.  I have had no other spotting or bleeding since the first incident and am taking it very easy from now on.  I went to my ObDoc for a routine appointment on Thursday.  I was weighed (hard to accept that gaining a pound in a couple of week is a “good thing”), we got culture samples and my ObDoc checked my uterus. We were able to hear two separate heartbeats at 149 and 155 bpm on the doppler gizmo so that gave me a little bit of breathing room.

Before I get to the next part of my tale, I just wanted to state this for the record.

I am NOT a drama queen.

I hate drama, I don’t want drama.  Keeping drama to the movies I watch is the only place I want that shit in my life.  I don’t thrive on it.  I am not an attention hog.  I want to be normal and boring and typical when it comes to this stuff.  I’m not a person who goes out of their way to create tension or strife.  Hell, I’m even a happy drunk…BTW…“I love you man.”  I like zany, I like snarky, I like laughing ‘til my face hurts.  I like good food and drink, fun conversation and a night of playing board games. 

Imagine my face then when three days ago my ObDoc’s office calls and lets me know that after my big bleed episode of the prior week (I had 12 vials of blood taken for various tests) it seems that I was tested and have come back positive for a blood clotting disorder, specifically for compound heterozygous MTHFR. 

MoTHerFuckeR.

Here is an awesome blog I found that has a good tutorial.  Here is a good page on Thombophilias from the March of Dimes website.  The ObDoc’s office immediately put me on a prescription for FOLGARD taken twice daily.  Each pill is a mega-dose of folic acid 2.2mg, B-6 25mg, and B-12 1mg.  I have also been put on low-dose aspirin.  Hopefully these things will help.  If you have a MTHFR mutation your body does not absorb folate properly and you are also at greater risk for blood clots affecting you and baby.  MTHFR mutation complications and risks (some mutations are more serious than others) published in scientific papers in peer reviewed journals have been linked to multiple miscarriages (including early 1st, late 1st and 2nd term loss), implantation problems, congenital heart defects, preeclampsia, and clots that affect baby’s placenta, causing growth problems and pre-natal death. 

Great.  Think at 41 you make it to 13 weeks with kiddos looking fine you can perhaps maybe breathe just a little bit easier.  F-You IF Optimist, what do you think?

<Sigh>

I am NOT a drama queen.

Here is what I am.  I AM a bit ticked off that no one found this out earlier so I could have taken better precautions, I mean I was tested for just about everything under the sun between my RE and my myomectomy ObDoc.  I AM grateful for my current ObDoc, a fine and intelligent lady.  I AM happy that even though I have this, it isn’t the most dangerous form of the mutation and can be managed by doctors.  I AM concerned because I have read of ladies losing their babies in the late part of their pregnancies because of clots in the placenta or umbilical cord.  I AM relieved to know that most of those who had tragic losses were untreated for their MTHFR and once they were aware, properly monitored and treated, went on to have healthy babies.  I AM worried because remember me having to take off to Florida to take care of my brother?  That was because of deep vein thrombosis (a blood clot in the leg) leading to a pulmonary embolism.  I AM glad that although my brother had this serious condition, he was a two-pack a day smoker while I have never smoked (he has since quit smoking).  I AM glad that although they found the MTHFR mutation, currently my homocystine levels were normal.  I AM extremely happy that I have made it this far in the pregnancy.  I AM also very glad that the NT scan looked good, so I hope I am doing OK for folate absorption. 

As I said earlier, I found out about MTHFR on Tuesday so both MrBeep and I were spending a lot of time on Dr. Google, NIH and PubMed to find out more, make sure we understand the dangers, etc.  I didn’t want to post until I had a much clearer understanding of my current situation.  I did come up with a list of questions for my ObDoc.  I now have a little red moleskin notebook that I will take notes and write questions so I don’t forget for my doctor’s appointments.  After our routine exam was completed, here were the questions I asked her:

Q:  My brother was just hospitalized for 6 days due to a deep vein thrombosis and subsequent pulmonary embolism. He is 1.5 years older than I am.  He is also 80 lbs overweight and a 2 pack a day smoker.  While my homocystine levels tested normal, does this put me at greater risk? 

A:  (At this information her face dropped a little and her tone became more serious) I want you to call the MFM specialist, get an appointment and let him know this.  I think we are good with the extra Folgard and the baby aspirin, but he may want to put you on lovenox.

Q:  I am curious to know what prompted to you test me for MTHFR?  Was it the big bleeding episode?

A:  Actually, it was because of your chemical pregnancy back in June.  We also tested you for other common clotting disorders including Factor V, Protein C, Protein S, Lupus, etc.  You tested negative for all other clotting factors which is a very good thing.

Q:  Do you think that my big bleeding episode last week was caused by the Total Previa or the MTHFR issue?

A:  Previa.  MTHFR doesn’t normally cause that type of bleeding, even with the clots you had.  Also it is a common thing with a total previa, even in early pregnancy.

Q:  My homocystine levels were normal.  How often will this be tested to make sure there is no increase?  Also, I was not fasting when the blood was taken, are you concerned about this?

A:  We’ve found that these levels rarely change this far into pregnancy.  I’m not concerned about the fasting, studies show no difference.

Q:  I have been reading about people with this condition getting Lovenox.  When is this prescribed versus just extra Folgard and baby aspirin.

A:  Typically it is prescribed if you have had several losses, have had  known clot or thrombosis yourself, or if you have more than one clotting disorder. 

So, my friends.  That was my week.  I have a call into the Maternal-Fetal medical specialists who will consider whether or not I should also receive injections of Lovenox in addition to my current vitamins.  While I don’t like having additional factors to worry about, I am actually really glad we caught this early.  I am very very happy that I found a good team of doctors who are proactive and on the ball.  I get to decorate the house for Christmas tonight with MrBeep, my MIL and FIL.  My ObDoc (I promise to write more about her later) has been able to put me at ease with her great personality, superb knowledge and professionalism.  She did say this to me, “well won’t it be great to have these two kiddos out for Christmas next year?”  I was so happy at that thought I could cry.  I just said, “I hope so.  That would be really wonderful.” 

The end of the bird

Thanksgiving was, as always, a huge hit in the IF Optimist household.  I love to cook and it took me two days to complete all of the prep and the dinner.  We had 8 people for dinner and a menu that included:

Herb-butter rubbed fresh organic turkey
Mashed potatoes a la MaBeep (made by my MIL)
Wild mushroom gravy with a dash of port
French bread stuffing with spicy maple sausage, apples, pecans and dried cranberries
Gramma Webster’s Corn Puddin’ (made by friend Mike)
Sauteed green beans with lemon zest and almonds
Brussels Sprouts (MrBeep’s favorite veggie)

for dessert I made a Turtle Pumpkin Pie – thank you to the lovely One Who Understands for the link.  I changed the recipe slightly since I like to do things the hard way.  I made the graham cracker crust and added roasted pecans to the food processor instead of a pre-made crust.  I also made a batch of fresh caramel sauce and added a touch of cognac – oh my gawd eat it with a spoon delicious.  I roasted some additional pecans and tossed them in cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg before coating them in caramel.  I also don’t like cool whip, so I made my own whipped cream and added a little gelatin for extra stability.  The pie turned out fan-freaking-tastic.  Here’s a photo:

Now much of the remaining of the turkey and fixin’s were gobbled up the next day with my gaming friends, but we still had some left (I roasted a 22lb bird this year).  The carcass and veggies are in the pressure cooker simmering away and making stock.  On the menu for tonight is Turkey and Dumplings. 

I’ll write about my first OB appointment next week, but I wanted to take a second to express how am thankful I am for all of the obvious things this year, for monsters on board who helped make dinner with me and added a special secret joy to my day.  For MrBeep would rub my belly and tell them how much he was looking forward to the dinner they were making. I am also so thankful to have great friends in real life and through the bloggidy world.  It felt good to read and catch up with you all this Sunday.  There was bad news and some good news but through everything, you all wrote so many amazing stories of courage and grace and joy.  Giving thanks to you all and I hope that the rest of the holiday season is one of hope and love.