Showing posts with label freakout. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freakout. Show all posts

Ups & downs & everythings in between

16 comments

It has been a bit of a crazy week.  First an update from my Ob/Gyn visit.  I saw my ObDoc on Wednesday and had a routine exam.  My labs for cultures and thyroid tests came back negative/normal (wooo!) I tested negative for being a carrier of cystic fibrosis (wooo!).  My blood pressure was 126/80 (only slightly elevated) and we heard two heartbeats with the doppler at 146 and 153 bpm.  I’ve gained 4.8 lbs since the beginning of my pregnancy, which doesn’t seem like a lot, but I was easily 35lbs overweight when I started.  I go back to the ObDoc at the beginning of February but I was doing fine as of Wednesday and was given the green light to do light exercise (walking, swimming, pre-natal yoga).

I am becoming a little more active, getting out for walks with MrBeep, shopping, running errands, working, etc.  I like it much better than taking it too easy.  I have been editing and working on some videography stuff.  I finished my friend’s wedding DVD before she headed off to Australia to visit her husband’s friends and relatives who couldn’t make the wedding.  In addition to the video editing work, I did a really fun photo slideshow set to the song “Lucky Day” by Judy Garland.  It turned out great and I was glad to get the creative workout. 

I also dragged my lazy ass to the computer and put on my photography hat.  I went through a photo shoot session I had with my friend Tiff and her then 9 month old baby.  I chose the best photos, did some retouching and sweetening, then took the top 3 and made a framed picture with a tri-cut mat and some additional art supplies.  I glued his name down a vertical and then added stickers with the words “adorable, laughing, marvelous, baby boy” in between the photo cut outs.  They had a dual birthday party (kids from 6p-9p and adults from 9p-12a) on Saturday.  I gave the framed picture and the other good prints to Tiff for her birthday.  For her son’s 1st birthday, we got him a 4-in-1 ride in car.  She says he digs it big time.

I think I may have overdone things a bit on Friday and Saturday.  I knew I was thirsty and should have stopped to get something to drink, but I thought that I’d be done soon and home.  I guzzled a good quantity of water before bed.  On Sunday morning at 6am, I woke up really needing to urinate and afterwards had a lot of cramps, but after an hour or so of resting, it calmed down.  I went back to sleep and woke up at 11am with more cramps that got worse (TMI-had a bowel movement – FINALLY).  Afterwards I had a lot of gas pain and an upset stomach and mild backache.  I called my ObDoc who was on call, she recommended I sip some baking soda and water (a bi-carb) and if that didn’t work after an hour, to go to the emergency room.  After another hour I still had a lot of gas pain and then severe cramps and then I became nauseated.  I vomited the water and baking soda (YUCK!!), then I became even more nauseous, and dizzy, and my hands started to shake.  MrBeep took me to the emergency room. I got a full work up – blood pressure normal, temp normal, urine sample normal, blood normal, and the nurse found two healthy heartbeats for the monsters with her doppler.  At no time did I have any spotting or bleeding.  After about 20 minutes, it all increased.  I had tons of pain in my sides, back and cramps in my belly, then I started to shake all over.  They started an IV drip.  After about 3-4 minutes I could feel my whole body relax and calm down, the effect was almost instantaneous.  A couple minutes after that, the nurse gave me an anti-nausea drug and a little pain killer into the IV.  Those things took the rest of the edge off and we stayed in the ER for a couple more hours so they could keep an eye one me.  Since I had so much pain in my sides (left side especially) and back, they did an ultrasound to check my internal organs -  kidneys, liver, pancreas, gall bladder - these all checked out OK.  The ultrasound tech also did a quick heart rate check on the kiddos, they were having a grand old time, doing fine, their heart rates normal.  I was less concerned about them because I could feel them moving and squirming all day.  The feeling was subtle, but unmistakable.  Thank goodness.  In the end, my release papers called it “Abdominal Pain, Uncertain Cause [Female].” I think it was the perfect storm of dehydration, indigestion, and constipation.  All of which got everything including my uterus to start aching and cramping. No fun.

Why am I telling you all of this disgusting stuff, 100% TMI with too many details?  It’s because I recognized my symptoms may be from dehydration as described by other bloggidy friends when they had trouble.  Had I not known this, I would have tried to suck it up at home and risked big problems.  After I came back from the ER, I noticed my sunken eyes with dark circles beneath them  I remembered how dark my urine had been in the last couple of days, etc.  I’m mad at myself for not keeping up and recognizing my lack of liquid intake.  The multiples book and other sources recommend 8 16 oz glasses of water/day.  Yes 128 oz.  That’s over 3 liters or a gallon per day.  Folks, that is a fuckton of liquid.  I didn’t drink a thimble’s worth, I didn’t drink a gallon.  I think I drank around a liter/day in the last few days leading to Sunday (BTW-why can’t the US just go metric?  I mean, c’mon really?)

I am being very good and monitoring my water intake and will do so from now on.  I feel fine and have felt great since about 5 minutes after the IV kicked in.  I will go tomorrow afternoon to the MFM specialist for my 16 week ultrasound.  I’m good.  The monsters are OK.  I thought about keeping this all to myself, lest I seem the drama queen, but then I remembered how much other posts help me, so…there it is.  Sending lots of love out on the wires of the internet to you all.

Hiding out

13 comments

Symptom watch:  generally feeling great – tiny bit of breast tenderness and sensitive nips, very minor occasional queasiness, heavy feeling in uterus, slight fatigue.  All of these symptoms can be caused by pregnancy or progesterone.  A little bit of good news?  No spotting whatsoever.  I called my mom who said she didn’t really have morning sickness, and never vomited.  Maybe a slight upset tummy once and a while but never anything else.  I also never get motion sickness in cars, roller coasters, etc.  Generally the bigger, faster and spinnier a carnival ride the better for me, so maybe I am just not very susceptible (studies seem to indicate this).  However, I am still very edgy since it is the LOSS of symptoms I had in weeks 5-8 rather than their total absence that makes me nervous.  The always wonderful MeKate provided an excellent link in one of her comments that did calm my panic.  You should absolutely check it out.

Truth is, I’m hiding out.  I’m doing everything I can to avoid people I know in real life because I am dreading the question of how things are going with the IVF/How are you feeling *hint, hint*/Any news *wink, wink*.  Thanks to the vivid dreams lately, I’ve actually been having nightmares about it.  Oh and those vivid dreams can be caused by…ready for it…pregnancy OR progesterone.  So does that symptom help me know whether I’m still knocked up or not?  No.  Gah!

I have a friend hinting to a group of us how she needs help packing for their move to a new home.  Normally this is the type of thing that I am right on, but I don’t want to talk about my current status while I am alone with my friend.  Oh and did I mention their 10 month old that I would help to babysit during that time?  Oh yeah, there’s that too.  So the talk would be 100% baby baby baby. Plus, I shouldn’t lift anything heavy, I can’t drink (I know they’ll offer) and they have two cats and I don’t know how much stuff I want to touch.  What if they want me to help pack their laundry room where the litter box is located?  I know…not likely but would YOU want to do it? 

I am supposed to go to a dinner/football thing on Saturday evening.  MrBeep’s parents (who we told I was pregnant at 5w4d--that’s another story) will be there and I don’t want to endure any positive hopeful looks while I am feeling like all is lost.  MrBeep promised to talk to them about keeping it on the down low.  I really want to attend and eat and watch the game, I just wish I could do it undercover.  Anyone got some dark sunglasses?

My friend M, who I have mentioned in a 4 part series, should be giving birth at any minute, if she hasn’t already done so.  She travelled to a country in Latin America to deliver and I don’t know any news.  Honestly, I don’t really want to.  The problem is I will see a mutual friend who knows everything at the football thing and will be sure to update me. I can’t stand the idea hearing how one person had their baby while I am thinking I lost mine. I know…I am a total shitty friend.

Also I don’t want be around anyone because I just don’t know what I can say.  Yes?  No?  Maybe?  I don’t want to break into tears.  I don’t know how to gracefully skirt the question.  I just want a couple more weeks to get farther along.  I want a little more time to feel confident.  I’ll feel much better if there is good news at the Sunday ultrasound (well, duh…of course I’ll feel a bajillion times better).  But if that is positive news, then I will get a fetal doppler and give it to MrBeep.  He can regulate its use on a freakout/need to know ratio. 

A huge part of me thinks I should push for an ultrasound on Friday afternoon, that way I can skip all interaction on the weekend if it is bad news or enjoy the weekend if it is good news.  An interesting idea, but I don’t know if MrBeep could be there or if they have any open appointments.  I don’t want to get bad news without him there to be with me.  Maybe I should just say I’m PUPO, push back these worries and enjoy my Saturday.  What would you do?

Subterfuge, dreams and decisions

9 comments

First and most importantly, thank you all so much for your information and encouragement.  It was a relief to find out that many others have had the *POP* vanishing act of pregnancy symptoms and are still doing OK.  I have calmed down a little.  I would still prefer to be sick as a dog at this point because hey, that’s what all the storybooks tell you it is supposed to be like.  I know that I am unusual.  I know that I have always been the bizarre girl standing outside the pack but y’know sometimes I just wanna whine, “I WANT TO BE LIKE ALL THE POPULAR GIRLS!”  Well…not really, I do prefer being the geeky oddball surrounded by my own kind.  They get my jokes.

I tried a tad bit of personal subterfuge yesterday to trick myself into being queasy or sick.  I’ll admit my one slice of toast with PB&J did give me more indigestion than would be normal, so that made me happy.  But I thought I could erase all doubt by going out to dinner for a really fancy meal.  I figured Murphy’s Law would dictate that after an excellent pricey meal, I would have to hornk it up, right? WRONG.  But it sure was gooooooooood. In the month of November we have a tradition in Seattle called “Din.e.Around.Se.attle” where 30 super fancy excellent restaurants have fix-prix menus.  For $30 (Sun-Thurs) you get an appetizer, main course and dessert.  If you are a local and are drooling, you can read about it here

 barkingfrog
We went out to a restaurant called “The Bark.ing F.rog”.  It is a lovely place with warm colors, a tantalizing wine selection, and superb food.  MrBeep and I got different courses for appetizer and dessert, (I had toasty warm pureed chestnut and apple soup-Mmmmmm) but we both ordered the same main course (don’t freak – the glass is sparkling apple juice).   

IMG_0123 
Lamb Shank & Pappardelle Pasta, Cipollini Onions, Butter Braised Carrots,
Confit Chanterelle Mushrooms, Demi Butter Sauce

Oh, the sauce.  THE SAUCE was sooooo unctuous and rich and grab-that-last-piece-of-bread-and-sop-it-all-up-goodness. I was sure it would put me over the edge, but alas, I had to just enjoy my dinner with only the mildest tang of upset tummy afterward.  Oh well.  Hopefully the monsters just love me too much and are giving me a break, or maybe it is because they’ll want nothing but expensive gourmet chow (take these cheerio’s away Plebian!)

On other good symptoms I was ridiculously tired at 11:30 pm despite sleeping 10 hours the day before.  The nips have been mighty tender and the b00bs are, well on again/off again sore.  Not as much as right before the symptoms vanished, but not comfortable or normal either.  In fact, last night I woke up 4 times to pee (another good sign) and at one point, while lying on my stomach my b00bs hurt sooooooo much that I woke and needed to turn and sleep on my left side.  Anyway that is what I THINK happened.  I also think that I could have dreamed it.  I’m not 100% sure.  I’m having these really vivid dreams lately.  Also there has still been no spotting whatsoever.

Finally, I made a decision to not call the RE office today to discuss the symptoms disappearing on Friday since maybe they really are waxing and waning.  Frankly, there is nothing that they can do to change the outcome at this early stage.  I have decided to wait for my next scheduled ultrasound on Sunday afternoon. I will be with MrBeep all day and don’t have to face any people afterwards if the news is bad.  And isn’t learning to be patient an excellent lesson for a mom?  Maybe I will be lucky.  Getting positive news at a later stage (9w2d) is a good sign and maybe I should just try to be myself, IF Optimist, and choose to keep my heart in a place of hope.

On a much better and lighter note, Maddy wins the prize for most clever person in the universe with a post to get you ready for the holidays, The 12 Days of IUI.  Dang, that is some funny shite.

I woke up this morning and…

29 comments

At 8 weeks and 1 day, all of my pregnancy symptoms have vanished.  VANISHED.  The boobs feel normal, no queasiness, no headaches, supernose is gone and I went a whole 7 hours through the night without having to get up to pee.  My symptoms were slightly lessened yesterday and now today they have disappeared and am I completely freaked out.  I woke up MrBeep this morning and told him I thought I wasn’t pregnant anymore and cried and cried and cried.  He held me and tried to comfort me, reminded me that we don’t know for sure.  We called the RE office, but they were closed.  I guess they didn’t have any big procedures today.  I will call Monday, maybe by then I will feel better or worse.  I just can’t imagine my symptoms disappearing with twins, I thought I would be getting worse by now.  I’d much rather have my head in the toilet than feel absolutely fine.

DrGoogle is all over the place.  Some folks have had the loss of symptoms and then miscarried, others have had all symptoms disappear and then come back a few days later much worse, some have had them disappear and never return but all worked out just fine.  I can’t decide if I should relax or freak.  Statistics are all over the place, but some things seem to indicate a 20-25% chance of miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat when you are 40 years and older.  There has been no blood, no spotting and no cramping.  Part of me thinks that I just can’t be that lucky, to get to the other side, to have hope.  The other part of me wonders how they can both die in just a matter of days after the ultrasound.  I know both are possible.

Now that I have been up for a few hours my symptoms are (good/bad): 

  • mostly normal boobs with slightly sore nips/soreness could be from me mashing them to check and see if they have changed every 10 minutes
  • feeling really exhausted, needed nap/this could be from so much crying this morning
  • slightly upset stomach/feels upset more due to stress and nervousness

Somebody please tell me that I’m crazy and I need to calm down.  Somebody please tell me how your symptoms disappeared and the story turned out with a happy ending.  Somebody get me a fricking crystal ball.

 

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