Wow. 2010. Here I am in the year 2010. The 2000s were years of great change in my life. In the last decade I have moved to a new state, married my true love and best friend, shifted my career, found and bought my first home, made many new and wonderful friends.
In my mind I stand now on the road of my life with a marker reading Friday, January 1, 2010.
It is so strange to be mentally at this place. It is not a crossroad. There is only one path I see before me. Turning around is never an option. Yet lifting my head to take the first step is daunting and proving harder than I had anticipated. My mind swirls with possibilities of the future both good and bad. Joyous and devastating.
I am not always an optimist. Doubt and worry and fear creep over me. It is the reason why I chose to write as IF Optimist, then… I wanted a reason to focus on why my life is good, why I need to choose a place of hope in my heart. I wanted a reason to believe in the power to keep my mind unclouded with negative things. I hoped that power would allow me to see what is truly before me, clearly, so I can make the best decision, do the right thing, choose the best path to follow.
I suspect this will be the decade I say goodbye to my wonderful grandparents, now at 88 and 85. I know that they worry and pray for me, I will finally tell them my news in a few weeks after my next ultrasound. I hope they will get to meet my children some day. My children?
Will this be the the decade, I will finally go from living as part of a happy couple to a happy family? Will I get to go from having “monsters” to babies (who will hopefully grow up to earn their name as monster)? Will I get to the other side of this year with two babies or one or none? Will there be cause for celebration or sorrow? Will I be sitting on the floor in a three years, spaghettios in my hair, cleaning crayon off the wall, wondering where my professional career went and why won’t these two just take a freaking nap? Will I walk into their room 20 minutes later, watch them dozing lazy and warm, and suddenly remember just how lucky I truly am? Will I get to watch MrBeep grow from a hesitant first time father to a warm and loving daddy?
In my mind I stand now on the road of my life with a marker reading Friday, January 1, 2010…
…taking a deep breath, calming my mind, with sunshine in my heart and a smile brightening my cheeks, I step forward onto the path.